Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Glow worm
Legendary Member
- Location
- Near Newmarket
So, there I was, having been up for days, tired and dead on my feet, stumbling through the woods. I came upon a preacher dunking people under the water of the raging river. As I was watching as I walked I stumbled and fell in.
Coughing and spluttering I ended up at the feet of the preacher where he was standing up to his waist in the water.
The preacher grabbed me with a very steady hand and asked, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
In a bit of a panic, aware that time was probably running out, I shouted, “Yes I am!”.
With that he dunked me into the water.
As quick as he pushed me under, he pulled me back out.
“Brother, have you found Jesus?” he asked loudly.
A bit exasperated I replied, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”
The preacher, shocked at my answer, dunked me again but held me down for a little longer.
He again pulled me out of the water and asked, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”
Much more exasperated I replied, “No, I definitely haven’t found Jesus!”
Looking at his wits end the preacher dunked me under again.
This time he held me down for about 30 seconds, and when I began kicking my arms and legs about, he pulled me up again.
“For the love of God, have you found Jesus?” he asked with tears in his eyes.
I staggered upright, wiped my eyes, emptied my ears, coughed up a bit of water, caught my breath, and said to the preacher,
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Coughing and spluttering I ended up at the feet of the preacher where he was standing up to his waist in the water.
The preacher grabbed me with a very steady hand and asked, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
In a bit of a panic, aware that time was probably running out, I shouted, “Yes I am!”.
With that he dunked me into the water.
As quick as he pushed me under, he pulled me back out.
“Brother, have you found Jesus?” he asked loudly.
A bit exasperated I replied, “No, I haven’t found Jesus!”
The preacher, shocked at my answer, dunked me again but held me down for a little longer.
He again pulled me out of the water and asked, “Have you found Jesus, my brother?”
Much more exasperated I replied, “No, I definitely haven’t found Jesus!”
Looking at his wits end the preacher dunked me under again.
This time he held me down for about 30 seconds, and when I began kicking my arms and legs about, he pulled me up again.
“For the love of God, have you found Jesus?” he asked with tears in his eyes.
I staggered upright, wiped my eyes, emptied my ears, coughed up a bit of water, caught my breath, and said to the preacher,
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It's pain only for others.
It's the same thing when you are stupid.
It's the same thing when you are stupid.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.
At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today – while the rest of us are now posting jokes on the internet.
At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today – while the rest of us are now posting jokes on the internet.
martint235
Dog on a bike
- Location
- Welling
Come on, it was only on the previous page!!!!
Chromatic
Legendary Member
- Location
- Gloucestershire
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
Oops
I did make it more topical though I changed "while the rest of us are sending jokes via email" to "while the rest of us are now posting jokes on the internet."
I did make it more topical though I changed "while the rest of us are sending jokes via email" to "while the rest of us are now posting jokes on the internet."
Ron-da-Valli
It's a bleedin' miracle!
- Location
- Rorke's Drift
Apparently Glen Campbell has got Alzheimer's. He gets cards and letters from people he don't even know.
ArDee
Guru
- Location
- North of Buntingford, Hetfordshire
A man goes to the doctor as he’s not feeling well, the doctor takes some blood for testing and asks him to come back in a week.
When the guy returns the doctors says “Well we have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?”
The guy says “I’ll have the bad news first”
The doctor says “I’m sorry to say you have AIDS”
The guy then asks “what’s the good news then?”
The doctor says “you also have Alzheimer’s disease, so you can go home and forget about it”
When the guy returns the doctors says “Well we have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?”
The guy says “I’ll have the bad news first”
The doctor says “I’m sorry to say you have AIDS”
The guy then asks “what’s the good news then?”
The doctor says “you also have Alzheimer’s disease, so you can go home and forget about it”
DaveReading
Don't suffer fools gladly (must try harder!)
- Location
- Reading, obvs
This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."
I said, "Is that a fret?"
(Tim Vine)
I said, "Is that a fret?"
(Tim Vine)
AndyRM
XOXO
- Location
- North Shields
