twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
I suppose I have to be the one to say "Chain's slack"
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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craigwend
Grimpeur des terrains plats
A man brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As he laid his pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed man wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" he protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the man and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the man.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" he cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed man wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" he protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the man and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the man.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" he cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."
JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
First thing I did was check the chain - it looked ok to meI suppose I have to be the one to say "Chain's slack"
oldfatfool
Guru
I used to be a postman, or as I told everyone else, a communications facilitator.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
I was clearing out the attic last night when I found an Xmas present we forgot to give the twins.
Pity really, they would have loved that kitten.
Pity really, they would have loved that kitten.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Toshiba Boy
N+1er
- Location
- By the beach, West Zummerzet
David Beckham and his wife were in the back of a taxi after an evening out with friends.
"So, what did you two get up to this evening?" asked the taxi driver.
"Oh, it was great. Me and the wife went to this lovely restaurant. The food was excellent!"
"What was the name of the restaurant?" asked the taxi driver.
"Oh, damn, I can't remember it now." replied David. "Erm.... what's the name of that London train station?"
"Paddington?" said the taxi driver.
"No, that's not it."
"Euston?"
"No, that's not it either."
"Victoria?"
"That's it," said David. "Victoria!
Do you remember the name of that restaurant?"
"So, what did you two get up to this evening?" asked the taxi driver.
"Oh, it was great. Me and the wife went to this lovely restaurant. The food was excellent!"
"What was the name of the restaurant?" asked the taxi driver.
"Oh, damn, I can't remember it now." replied David. "Erm.... what's the name of that London train station?"
"Paddington?" said the taxi driver.
"No, that's not it."
"Euston?"
"No, that's not it either."
"Victoria?"
"That's it," said David. "Victoria!
Do you remember the name of that restaurant?"
T4tomo
Legendary Member
Pretty sure that last "N" should be an "F"....
Colin Grigson
Bass guitarist - Bad News
- Location
- Slovakia
*You're
