Any good jokes ... ?

[welsh dragon]

He said "shall we try a new positon tonight"

she said "good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart"

 

[byegad]

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the best degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt
beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the
immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
__________________

 

[welsh dragon]

A husband and wife were lying in bed. The husband said "im going to make you the happiest woman".

The wife said "im going to miss you".

 

[Skyfoil]

conjunctivitis.com
Now there's a site for sore eyes.

 

[welsh dragon]

"How come youre late" the barman asked his blonde waitress.

"It was dreadful" the waitress said. "There was a terrible accident as I was walking down elm street. a man was lying in the middle of the street. He had been thrown from his car. his leg was broken, and he suffered a fractured skull. There was blood evrywhere, But Thank god I took that first aid course. All my training came back in a minute."

"What did you do" said the barman.

"I put my head between my knees to stop myself from fainting"

 

[Lance Jack]

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman stated "Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight."

 

[02GF74]

A little boy asked his mother how people are born. His mother said

"Well, there was adam and eve. They made babies who grew up and they had babies and so it continued.

The boy then went to his father and asked him how people are born.
..... etc.

another old ne along the same lines.

A little boy comes home and asks his mother "Where do I come from?"

His mother became very embarrassed and tells him all the ins and out of making babies. Finaly at the end, she asks him why he wanted to know?

"Well" said the ttle boy, "Abdul says he comes from Pakistan and I wondered about me"

 

[welsh dragon]

another old ne along the same lines.

A little boy comes home and asks his mother "Where do I come from?"

His mother became very embarrassed and tells him all the ins and out of making babies. Finaly at the end, she asks him why he wanted to know?

"Well" said the ttle boy, "Abdul says he comes from Pakistan and I wondered about me"

Classic.

 

[ufkacbln]

A girl was walking through the woods when she saw a tiny man sitting on a rock, bent double with his knees drawn up, his hands clasped behind his head, and his forearms between his knees.
Despite her nervousness, she was consumed with curiosity, and asked him "Are you a goblin?".
"No" he answered without looking up, "I've got a headache".

Hooray Henry walking through the woods and finds a rather charming young lady, absolutely naked and a "come hither" expression beckoning him over.

"Are you Game?" he asks

She smiles lasciviously and says "Yes"

So he shot her.

 

[ufkacbln]

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless

What did the Slug say to the Snail.......


"Big Issue Sir?"

 

[welsh dragon]

What did the Slug say to the Snail.......


"Big Issue Sir?"

Groannnnnn but good

 

[swee'pea99]

What did the Slug say to the Snail.......


"Big Issue Sir?"

What did the snail on the back of a tortoise say?


"Wheeeeeee!"

 

[welsh dragon]

What did the snail on the back of a tortoise say?


"Wheeeeeee!"

 

[welsh dragon]

A man decided to have a facelift. It cost him £5,000. Once the bandages came off of went out for a walk. As he wa passing a newstand he decided to buy a newspaper.

While he was there he asked the vendor " do you mind if I ask you how old you think I am"?

the vendor said " I'd say you're about 35". "Actually" the man said "I'm 46 years old". The man paid for his newspaper and carried on his way.

Further down the road the man went into a McDonalds and ordered a burger. While waiting the man said to the waitress "do you mind if I ask you how old you think I am"

The waitress said "I'd say your about 32". "Actually the man said "I'm 46". He paid for his burger and left.

He was feeling quite good about himself by now. He stopped at a bus stop where an old lady was waiting for a bus. "Do you mind if I ask you old you think I am" said the man.

"Im an old lady and my eyesight isn't very good any more young man, but if you let me put my hand down the front of your trousers, I'll be able to tell exactly how old you are".

There was no one else around so the man thought what the heck. He allowed her to put her hand down the front of his trousers. Affer about 10 minutes of her fondling him she took her hand out and said "I would say your 46 years old".

"How the hell did you know that ". The man said.

"I was standing behind you in McDonalds" said the old woman.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

The General Rule of People who post on Cycle Chat
-Single
-Attractive
-Mentally Stable
(Pick two)