Any good jokes ... ?

[Dayvo]

 

[Profpointy]

Stalin, knowing that his time was short and that Khrushchev would be his eventual successor, summoned Nikita to a very private meeting. After telling Khrushchev how lonely it could get at the top, Stalin said: "I've left for you two letters containing my wisest counsel in the bottom drawer of the desk. Do not open the first one until things are totally terrible. The second letter should only be opened when you are sure there are no answers to your problems, when you are despairing."



Khrushchev took over and enjoyed a Russian honeymoon. Then trouble followed: a failed harvest, the five-year plan was two years late and many rubles short, plotting by his political enemies...

At 3 a.m. one morning, Khrushchev broke down and opened the bottom desk drawer and read the first letter. In it was written one line:

"Blame everything on me . . . Stalin."



So that's what Khrushchev did and all the troubles of the present were pinned on the policies of his predecessor. It worked, and the pressure was off, for awhile.

The second honeymoon was brief. Hostilities along the Chinese border, another lousy crop and the humiliating Cuban missile crisis did very little for Khrushchev's ratings and even less for his own peace of mind. He was down when he remembered the bottom desk drawer. Making certain he was alone, Khrushchev quietly opened the envelope and read the one-line message:

"Write two letters . . .

In the version I know there's a middle letter saying "have a reorganisation".

 

[tyred]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Cavalol]

I made a boat using a kitchen appliance.
I put a kitten, egg whites, and sugar into a blender and hey presto, a catermeringue.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

What do you call a horny square?

An erectangle.

 

[tyred]

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[tyred]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Seevio]

If the never ending lockdown is depressing you, spare a thought for the Jehovah's Witnesses. The one time they know everybody is going to be at home and they can't go out.

 

[PaulB]

Some good news! I put my glove puppet collection up for sale. A collector has just offered me £150 to take them off my hands.

 

[Threevok]

When I was a child, I wished I was Batman

Perhaps, had I wished to be Bruce Wayne, I wouldn't have to sneak out alone at night, whilst wearing a mask, just to buy scratch cards ?

 

[PaulB]

My mate couldn't afford his water bill so I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.