Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

My favourite superhero is Rorschach from the Watchmen graphic novel, I just wish his mask didn't have a picture of my parents fighting on it.

 

[Cavalol]

I got hit with a rhythm stick, but never mind I'm getting Ian Dury compensation.

 

[Dayvo]

Not joke but I didn’t know where else to put it that would get more likes!

 

[Cavalol]

I've just taken a polaroid of some dead sheep - mourn ewes as it develops.

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[Zanelad]

Stupidly got involved in an altercation at the healthfood shop today.

Got quite heated ending with the other party throwing a bottle of omega 3 at me.

I was fortunate and only suffered super fish oil injuries.

 

[tyred]

 

[roadrash]

last time i was in a pub

theres a bloke lying unconscious on the floor with his face badly swollen.
barman asked what was wrong with him.
i said ''he's been eating peanuts''
barman said ''is he allergic to them'' ?
i said ''no, they were my feckin peanuts''

 

[GetFatty]

last time i was in a pub

theres a bloke lying unconscious on the floor with his face badly swollen.
barman asked what was wrong with him.
i said ''he's been eating peanuts''
barman said ''is he allergic to them'' ?
i said ''no, they were my feckin peanuts''

I was in a pub called the Fire Station happily waiting to be served at the bar. Bowl of peanuts next to me on the bar so I helped myself. Soon the guy next to me got served, picked up his beer and the peanuts, glared at me and went to his table. “What’s wrong with him?” I asked the barman. “Well you have eaten half the peanuts he bought” 😂

 

[postman]

I have got the most wonderful Valentine's card for Mrs P, I can't wait to see what I get for her bicycle.

 

[Cavalol]

My granddad died a few weeks after my grandma passed away. At first I thought he died of a broken heart - but it turned out it he couldn't cook.

 

[tyred]

 

[Dayvo]

 

[mistyoptic]

View attachment 573821

Only one of these per day, obviously