Any good jokes ... ?

[welsh dragon]

Two snowmem are standing in a field "yeah". Says one snowman "I can smell carotts as well".

 

[welsh dragon]

The fight we had last night was my fault. My wife asked me what was on the TV and I said dust.

 

[Archie_tect]

In our house it's 'a few finger prints and a bit of...'

 

[welsh dragon]

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.

 

[morrisman]

Looking back on it, I wish I'd always bought my baked beans online.

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

 

[welsh dragon]

We have a quiet home life. He doesn't speak to me and I don't speak to him.

 

[TVC]

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarfs aren't happy.

 

[threebikesmcginty]

My son is a butcher and instead of asking for a ham hock, a customer wanted a pork hock - how they sniggered.

Talking of old ham...

 

[TVC]

I was at the cashpoint today when an old bloke in front of me asked if I would help him check his balance. So I pushed him over.

 

[morrisman]

Explosion at an Insult Factory!

Several people hurt!

 

[morrisman]

Police are investigating the theft of a Yorkshire city.

They currently have no leads!

 

[swee'pea99]

Went to the doctor and said 'Doc, I keep thinking I'm a cowboy.' 'Cowboy, eh?' he said, 'Most unusual. How long have you been feeling this way?' 'I suppose about a yee-hah!'

 

[mrcunning]

 

[john59]

Don't Fart In Harrods

A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet
and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little 'woops'
and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near. As she turns around,
her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her - good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.
He politely greets the lady with, "Good day Madam. How may we help you today?"

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident',
she asks, "What is the price of this lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam - if you farted just looking at it -
you're going to shoot yourself when I tell you the price!"

 

[PaulB]

After my success in last week's Grand National, I'm venturing down the betting shop again today. I'm going to bet on a 200/1 outsider, Dusty Carpet, as it's never been beaten.