Any good jokes ... ?

[Oldhippy]

Chris said about executives getting secretary services and I said that they had indeed been useful when I was in Japan. It wasn't a joke I was answering Chris. Sorry.

 

[Eziemnaik]

Generally I found more women there spoke some English more than men. I did get help from a few office ladies in the early days there before I learned the language so I can imagine that being perfectly true. Made phone calls etc much easier.

It is not really a thread for it but...
The phenomenon of Japanese women being much more worldy than men, has led to a so called Narita divorce. Young couple, upon returning to motherland from honeymoon, decide to part ways and never see each other again. Husband finds out that his wife is not a submissive waifu from manga, wife discovers how inept and boring her husband is and so on.

 

[craigwend]

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn’t talking to me...

 

[Dayvo]

 

[swee'pea99]

The (hopefully!) mistranslated Asian notices remind me of a story of someone wanting a Confucian proverb on the frontispiece of his PhD thesis. It was something like "It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness", a reference to education and learning, and I think the PhD was about the physics of light so doubly apt. He thought it'd be even nicer in Chinese characters, so he asked various asian colleagues for help. Eventually, he found a note with Chinese writing left on his desk, and a quick check suggested it referenced light and dark so seemed to be OK, and with the deadline looming he sent it off for printing and binding. In due course someone owned up that it actually said "store in a cool dry place away from direct sunlight" and had been copied off a packet of noodles. Given the likely fate of most PhD theses, he though it apt and let it stand.

In a similar vein a colleague's PhD supervisor had told him that he'd put a banknote in the copy of his own PhD in the university library and every year he checked and it was still there.

Brings to mind a story I once heard about a guy who travelled the world seeking a principle he could live by. He visited shamans in Mongolia, Zen masters in Japan, mystics in India, but he finally discovered the answer in the small print on a bottle of bleach: stand upright in a cool place.

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

The Way Things Have Changed

 

[LeetleGreyCells]

They definitely made me laugh!

 

[Chris S]

Chris said about executives getting secretary services and I said that they had indeed been useful when I was in Japan. It wasn't a joke I was answering Chris. Sorry.

I found the phrasing amusing, "you are welcome to take advantage of a secretary in the typing pool."

 

[T4tomo]

I think it's a bit strong to call someone dim just because they don't recognise a specific Elton John track.

I didn't, I don't think it was a very funny joke.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[GM]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years". "I remember that too", she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

 

[Archie_tect]

Here's a letter written to the local paper's Agony Aunt page seeking an answer to a long distance relationship problem:

I live in London and my boyfriend recently moved to a new job in Glasgow. We find it difficult to see much of each other so visit every other weekend either in London or Glasgow. Last week we mixed up who was supposed to be travelling and we both ended up on trains at the same time.

If he left Glasgow on a train travelling at 74mph ...

 

[Chris S]

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

 

[Dayvo]