Any good jokes ... ?

[GM]

No matter how kind your children are...

German children are always kinder.

 

[Cavalol]

"I got fired today," I told my mum, "for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."
"That's a bit harsh," she replied.
"They don't mess around at Air Traffic Control," I said.

 

[Dave7]

I hurt my foot last week and have been massaging it with margarine ever since.
I can't believe its not better

 

[roadrash]

my auntie marge has been ill so long, i cant believe shes not better

 

[glasgowcyclist]

I hurt my foot last week and have been massaging it with margarine ever since.
I can't believe its not better

That was so bad it was good.

 

[Dayvo]

I can’t believe some beers are not bitter.

 

[postman]

Just got back from the doctors.Yesterday I answered a knock at the door.Stood there was an enormous. Beetle.Well it lamped me and split my lip.Doctor said take some aspirin for the pain,and be careful cause there is a nasty bug about.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Just got back from the doctors.Yesterday I answered a knock at the door.Stood there was an enormous. Beetle.Well it lamped me and split my lip.Doctor said take some aspirin for the pain,and be careful cause there is a nasty bug about.

"Lamped me". I haven't read or heard that expression in many a long year.

 

[postman]

Flip, that’s where you’re going wrong.

Actually the flip was invented in Goole.

 

[postman]

Actually the flip was invented in Goole.

Ah I have just checked that again,and it wasn't Goole it was in Heck.

 

[PaulB]

Always keep an empty bottle of milk in your fridge in case anyone wants a black coffee.

 

[JtB]

 

[JtB]

 

[Tripster]

 

[Dayvo]