cyberknight
As long as I breathe, I attack.
- Location
- Land of confusion
Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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betty swollocks
large member
check out small print bottom right.......
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of builders turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ****s at Jewsons deliver the ******* bricks on time.'
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those ****s at Jewsons deliver the ******* bricks on time.'
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
Following diplomatic intervention, she now has a New Zeal and enthusiasm for cookery
roadrash
cycle chatterer
- Location
- sitting on the edge of wigan pier
roadrash
cycle chatterer
- Location
- sitting on the edge of wigan pier
My wife was going through her wardrobe and said hey look at this, ive had this 25 years and it still fits me....
i said it will do ....its a scarf......
i said it will do ....its a scarf......
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
My wife thinks this house is haunted. Well I've been living here for 300 years and I've never noticed anything.
Dayvo
just passin' through
- Location
- 59° 50′ 5.55″ N, 10° 47′ 41.89″ E
Scaleyback
Veteran
- Location
- North Yorkshire
I have had a right bad day.
I’ve just been to the vets, I had to take my budgie ‘Mr Bojangles’
I got him there and the vet said “Sir, I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do for him, he’s dead !
I said “how do you know?” he said “I’ve just listened with my stethoscope thing”
I said “are your sure, I’ve had him years?” He said “he’s dead” I said “ but you haven’t done any tests on him at all” The vet said “Look ! I’ll show you” He comes in with a black labrador. The labrador jumps up on to the counter and sniffs Mr Bojangles, he looks up at the vet and shook his head, and walked off. I thought what the f**k, I said “I’ve never seen anything like that before” The vet said, “watch this sir” he comes in with a little cat.
The cat jumps up on to the counter, has a little sniff at Mr Bojangles, meows gently, and walks out. I said “what’s that mean?” The vet said “sir, he’s dead, we tried to tell you, he’s dead” I said “Ok, fair enough, how much do I own you?” £300.00 the vet said. I said
“you have the nerve to charge me £300.00 to tell me my budgie’s dead?”
The vet said “ if you had taken my word for it in the first place I would have charged you £50.00, but after the Lab test and the Cat scan it’s gone up to £300.00.
I’ve just been to the vets, I had to take my budgie ‘Mr Bojangles’
I got him there and the vet said “Sir, I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do for him, he’s dead !
I said “how do you know?” he said “I’ve just listened with my stethoscope thing”
I said “are your sure, I’ve had him years?” He said “he’s dead” I said “ but you haven’t done any tests on him at all” The vet said “Look ! I’ll show you” He comes in with a black labrador. The labrador jumps up on to the counter and sniffs Mr Bojangles, he looks up at the vet and shook his head, and walked off. I thought what the f**k, I said “I’ve never seen anything like that before” The vet said, “watch this sir” he comes in with a little cat.
The cat jumps up on to the counter, has a little sniff at Mr Bojangles, meows gently, and walks out. I said “what’s that mean?” The vet said “sir, he’s dead, we tried to tell you, he’s dead” I said “Ok, fair enough, how much do I own you?” £300.00 the vet said. I said
“you have the nerve to charge me £300.00 to tell me my budgie’s dead?”
The vet said “ if you had taken my word for it in the first place I would have charged you £50.00, but after the Lab test and the Cat scan it’s gone up to £300.00.
Joey Shabadoo
My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
More Star Trek
DaveReading
Don't suffer fools gladly (must try harder!)
- Location
- Reading, obvs
Captain Kirk, up himself ?
Reminds me of a recent podcast interview with George Takei (Lt Sulu), who had a thing or two to say about his former co-star.
Reminds me of a recent podcast interview with George Takei (Lt Sulu), who had a thing or two to say about his former co-star.
