Nigel-YZ1
Guru
- Location
- Somewhere else... maybe soon.
Uncle Drago's agony column
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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Salty seadog
Space Cadet...(3rd Class...)
Freedom for Tooting.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Chairman Corbyn has been praying to the red book at 5am most mornings plus the police have arrived. Where should I go next?
Gravity Aided
Legendary Member
- Location
- Land of Lincoln
Ask Donald Trump - He's seeing them everywhere!
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMKFIHRpe7I
Donald Trump, being presidential.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Not a problem. With some work, Matt Munroe can be cool.
Slap on a nice shirt, Ray bans, and light a fag. Cool, eh? Now jump in to your Lambrghini Miura and go for a spin up your favourite mountain road...
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Well, when an army of communist wrestlers invades you'll be glad The Donald is in charge and has experience of taking care of such matters.
classic33
Leg End Member
Dear Uncle Drago,
You may think that this is a rather trivial matter but to me it's actually a matter of life and death.
I'm currently suspended from a suspension bridge (rather apt that isn't it?)But thanks to modern technology and in particular my Blackberry, I am in fact able to email you asking for assistance.
So, do you think that if I try and struggle free from the straight jacket that Nosher McSporran has tied me into, that the thin rope I'm dangling from might break, thus resulting in me plunging into the icy river some 150 feet below?
As you can imagine my options are a bit limited and the only alternative to the plan I've just sketched out would appear to hang here and hope that
(a) Nosher changes his mind and releases me, or
(b) some law enforcement officer happens upon me just in the nick of time.
And I know what you're thinking - how can he be emailing me if he's tied into a straight jacket? Good question and one I'd be tempted to ask myself were I to be in your shoes.
Fortunately the answer is simple. I have amazing dexterity in my toes and I'm doing all this with me feet.
Big Dave
Fife
You may think that this is a rather trivial matter but to me it's actually a matter of life and death.
I'm currently suspended from a suspension bridge (rather apt that isn't it?)But thanks to modern technology and in particular my Blackberry, I am in fact able to email you asking for assistance.
So, do you think that if I try and struggle free from the straight jacket that Nosher McSporran has tied me into, that the thin rope I'm dangling from might break, thus resulting in me plunging into the icy river some 150 feet below?
As you can imagine my options are a bit limited and the only alternative to the plan I've just sketched out would appear to hang here and hope that
(a) Nosher changes his mind and releases me, or
(b) some law enforcement officer happens upon me just in the nick of time.
And I know what you're thinking - how can he be emailing me if he's tied into a straight jacket? Good question and one I'd be tempted to ask myself were I to be in your shoes.
Fortunately the answer is simple. I have amazing dexterity in my toes and I'm doing all this with me feet.
Big Dave
Fife
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Bob,
It does sound like you're in a right pickle. I suggest you nod your head, a lot. As you start to swing nod harder, and time it so each nod comes at the furthest point of each swing. Eventually you'll swing right up on the the bridge where you will probably get run over or some such, but hey ho, one thing at a time.
Uncle D.
It does sound like you're in a right pickle. I suggest you nod your head, a lot. As you start to swing nod harder, and time it so each nod comes at the furthest point of each swing. Eventually you'll swing right up on the the bridge where you will probably get run over or some such, but hey ho, one thing at a time.
Uncle D.
classic33
Leg End Member
Dear Uncle Drago,
I'm at my wits' end and don't know who to turn to. I suspect that my wife, Georgina, is in fact an alien visiting Earth from a far-distant galaxy where no man has boldly gone before.
It's the little things she does that give it away, like for example, gripping the bars of the electric fire with her bare hands. She says that it's just to help her circulation during these cold December days, but I think she's trying to fool me.
Last week I caught her in a secret lab down the back of our garden with all sorts of fancy bits of weird looking space equipment. When I asked her what she was doing she made some kind of hasty excuse and blustered out of there and got the tea on.
What do you think I should do?
Worried,
Andover, Hampshire.
I'm at my wits' end and don't know who to turn to. I suspect that my wife, Georgina, is in fact an alien visiting Earth from a far-distant galaxy where no man has boldly gone before.
It's the little things she does that give it away, like for example, gripping the bars of the electric fire with her bare hands. She says that it's just to help her circulation during these cold December days, but I think she's trying to fool me.
Last week I caught her in a secret lab down the back of our garden with all sorts of fancy bits of weird looking space equipment. When I asked her what she was doing she made some kind of hasty excuse and blustered out of there and got the tea on.
What do you think I should do?
Worried,
Andover, Hampshire.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Dear Walter,
You're Georgina's husband? Trust me, plentry of men have boldly been where many have gone before where she's concerned.
Tell her Bernard says 'hi'.
Regards,
Uncle D.
You're Georgina's husband? Trust me, plentry of men have boldly been where many have gone before where she's concerned.
Tell her Bernard says 'hi'.
Regards,
Uncle D.
Andy in Germany
Guru
- Location
- Rottenburg am Neckar
I don't see the problem here.
classic33
Leg End Member
With all the equipment to hand, she could have made it there.
Worried,
Andover, Hampshire.
Dear Mr Fist,
I assure you that you have nothing to be worried about.
And regarding the perceived slight of not receiving your refreshment in situ, know only that s͔̬̦͎̗p͕ą͍̱̬̙̪c̭̤̰̲̗̥è̺̮͈ ̤̣͓̰̼t͍̺̪͎̭̥e̟͘a̶͙̝͙ ̹̤͞ͅi͚̳͈͓̟͕ͅs̮̪̭͞ ̗͉̲̩̩͈ņ̬͔̤͕͇͎̭o̰̬͕̟͕t̴̫̜̦͈̲ ̷͓̺̙͚̠̭͙fơ̙r̞̳̠̣ ̟͜y̺̫̗̞̫̙̫o̖̘̠u͙̯ͅ
Vincent F. Beauregard
The Wirral, UK, Sol III
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