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Drago
Legendary Member
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True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
- Start date
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Evil_Breakfast
Active Member
Since it's release in 1989, Chris Rea's 'breakthrough' album 'The Road To Hell' has been one of the 752 items that the Office of National Statistics include in its basket of goods and services, used to calculate inflation.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea is responsible for Mikhail Gorbachov's birthmark.
Before hitting it big with his gravelly blues musings, he worked as a welder. On one occasion Rea was welding beams at the Kremlin. The new beams were at ceiling hight and were intended to support handcuffed dissidents while the KGBtortured them had a polite chat over tea and scones.
Slapdash as ever, Rea was working at height but had not made the area safe. The door opened and in walked Gorby himself to inspect the work, knocking Rea off his stepladder and causing the red hot welding gear to fall on Gorby's head being extensive burn marks.
Chris Rea fled Russia in a hurry and set the Auberge Drive to maximum to get out of town before the Russians could send a Firefox after him. Rea stayed so low that as he crossed Berlin at Mach 8 the downwash from the Auberge Field demolished the Berlin wall. This in turn caused the fall of the Soviet Union, meaning Rea never got paid for 5 months of work at the Kremlin.
Before hitting it big with his gravelly blues musings, he worked as a welder. On one occasion Rea was welding beams at the Kremlin. The new beams were at ceiling hight and were intended to support handcuffed dissidents while the KGB
Slapdash as ever, Rea was working at height but had not made the area safe. The door opened and in walked Gorby himself to inspect the work, knocking Rea off his stepladder and causing the red hot welding gear to fall on Gorby's head being extensive burn marks.
Chris Rea fled Russia in a hurry and set the Auberge Drive to maximum to get out of town before the Russians could send a Firefox after him. Rea stayed so low that as he crossed Berlin at Mach 8 the downwash from the Auberge Field demolished the Berlin wall. This in turn caused the fall of the Soviet Union, meaning Rea never got paid for 5 months of work at the Kremlin.
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Seevio
Guru
- Location
- South Glos
Chris Rea has a cat that is both alive and dead. Unlike Erwin Schrödinger, however, Chris doesn't keep it in a box and lets it roam the house.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea was imprisoned asmoart of the Rogal Mail-Fujitsu scandal.
He wouldn't have minded if it had been due to the £40,000 he'd pocketed, but it was the faulty Horizon computer thet sent him down for nothing.
He wouldn't have minded if it had been due to the £40,000 he'd pocketed, but it was the faulty Horizon computer thet sent him down for nothing.
DRM
Guru
- Location
- West Yorks
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cjev7vn4qp0o
Chris Rea is currently keeping a low profile after to his plans to"Do some improvements" to the Turdis got flushed down the pan, a criminal gang he contracted to pinch a gold toilet from Blenheim Palace have been locked up, and there's no gold loo in the Turdis, as it vanished without trace, a Police spokesman said they still have nothing to go on.
Chris Rea is currently keeping a low profile after to his plans to"Do some improvements" to the Turdis got flushed down the pan, a criminal gang he contracted to pinch a gold toilet from Blenheim Palace have been locked up, and there's no gold loo in the Turdis, as it vanished without trace, a Police spokesman said they still have nothing to go on.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The police recently discovered a cannabis farm in Chris Rea's understands cupboard.
twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
How can you tell?
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Not as crusty as normal.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea wears W fronts. Rumours are that this is because he has two winkies, but Judy Finnigan is keeping quiet on the matter.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
After stowing away on a trip to ISS last year, CR's weight overloaded Boeing's thrusters causing a malfunction that resulted in him being stranded in space for 9 months. Expecting to be there only a week, he only had 2 packs of Tracker bars for food.
Returning to earth yesterday, he revealed to the press how he survived for 9 months, simply by harvesting crumbs from his beard.
Returning to earth yesterday, he revealed to the press how he survived for 9 months, simply by harvesting crumbs from his beard.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea strongly denies crashing the TURDIS near Heathrow overnight, and adds that big dentnon the front ornrhe craft has been there for ages.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
***** Breaking News *****
Chris Rea has just been disqualified from his win at the Chinese Grand Prix for an unsafe release of a chemical toilet in the pitlane.
Chris Rea has just been disqualified from his win at the Chinese Grand Prix for an unsafe release of a chemical toilet in the pitlane.
grldtnr
Über Member
After Laurence Fox's latest court case , Chris has stated he wants nothing further to do with the revelation of his furtive behaviour.
Whilst he was prepared to accept his other aberrant behaviour, this latest behaviour makes in even lower than Madely
He has made an offer to transport Mr Fox to a penalty colony on Rigel 5, in the outer constellation of Andromeda 2 , as far away from the TfL network as possible, Mr. Fox must be placed in secure 'gimp' suit, , all he would want is a years supply of Pontefract cakes
Whilst he was prepared to accept his other aberrant behaviour, this latest behaviour makes in even lower than Madely
He has made an offer to transport Mr Fox to a penalty colony on Rigel 5, in the outer constellation of Andromeda 2 , as far away from the TfL network as possible, Mr. Fox must be placed in secure 'gimp' suit, , all he would want is a years supply of Pontefract cakes
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea was killed while saving the Enterprise during the Genesis incident.
His body was launched down to the Genesis planet, and due to the planets proto matter growth program the entire sphere is now covered with a giant beard.
His body was launched down to the Genesis planet, and due to the planets proto matter growth program the entire sphere is now covered with a giant beard.
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