True Facts About Chris Rea

[Pinno718]

Chris Rea invented WD40 so that he could screw his head on without unnecessary disharmonious squeaking.

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea and Chris de Burgh are sat opposite me on a train, re-enacting the Battle of Fontenoy using jelly babies as troops.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea and Chris de Burgh are sat opposite me on a train, re-enacting the Battle of Fontenoy using jelly babies as troops.

Now that might be true? Is it he Waterloo line on the underground

 

[lazybloke]

Novel gardening show Ground Force came to an abrupt end during filming of an episode in Middlesbrough. Alan Titchmarsh flew into an insane rage of jealousy when the singing, bearded owner went missing for several hours with Charlie Dimmock in the potting shed.

The leaked bbc footage is a popular exhibit at Middlesbrough Museum.
Queues to view it are currently 13 hours long, but an excerpt from the transcript is reproduced below.

"I spent two days painting your fences blue, is this how you thank me? Why did you do it?" screamed Alan.

"She looked cold", explained Rea.

[Fistfight ensues]

 

[DRM]

Novel gardening show Ground Force came to an abrupt end during filming of an episode in Middlesbrough. Alan Titchmarsh flew into an insane rage of jealousy when the singing, bearded owner went missing for several hours with Charlie Dimmock in the potting shed.

The leaked bbc footage is a popular exhibit at Middlesbrough Museum.
Queues to view it are currently 13 hours long, but an excerpt from the transcript is reproduced below.

"I spent two days painting your fences blue, is this how you thank me? Why did you do it?" screamed Alan.

"She looked cold", explained Rea.

[Fistfight ensues]

No one has ever seen a potting shed shake & bang before, like that, without involving an earthquake, when Chris Rea & Charlie Dimmock exited the shed they got a standing ovation from the crew

 

[craigwend]

Some say the Online Safety Act is an attempt to diminish the popularity of Chris Rea

Shaun (Admin) of CC.Net, rebuffs the pressures brought on by the legislation with a merry band of 'moderators' to defuse this pressure and keep the 'movement' going...




No one ever has seen Chris Rea in the same room as Shaun (Admin), coincidence?

 

[Pinno718]

Are you suggesting the omnipresent Chris Rea is Shaun the mod?!

Blow me down with an auberge(ine)

 

[lazybloke]

That explains Shaun's fondness for CR songs at the Cyclechat Christmas Karaoke parties.

 

[Drago]

No one ever has seen Chris Rea in the same room as Shaun (Admin), coincidence?

There is a reason for this.

Shaun was dating a lass who was a huge Chris Rea fan. Shaun, spotting a chance to finally get past first base, immediately pretended to be himself a huge fan of the bearded blues meister and ordered Chris Rea tickets for an upcoming gig at the Accrington Bingo Hall.

Alas, in his haste he accidentally ordered Christopher Lee tickets and had to endure four hours of Lee's heavy metal ramblings.

The girl left him and in her distress wrote a letter to the Chris Rea fan club, hoping for understanding and solace. The letter was passed to Chris Rea himself, who was so disgusted he vowed then and there never to be seen in Shaun's presence.

 

[lazybloke]

During their affair, Charlie Dimmock and Chris Rea enlisted help from Tommy Walsh to build a part-subterranean love-nest, where they hosted furry costumed parties of a very adult nature.

Until one morning,, he woke, dry-mouthed, and hungover. He was still wearing his costume as he wandered the garden clearing away glasses and an abandoned handbag. Then he realised "My god, i look ridiculous; like a kids TV entertainer".

And that, is how Tellytubbies came to be.

Chris Rea portrays both TinkyWinky and Noo-noo, but as he is uncredited he was disqualified from his best actor and best supporting actor oscar nominations.

Richard Madeley and Alan Titchmarsh had no involvement, but Chris Rea says both of them have been Dipsy, very much so.

 

[Drago]

Charlie Dimmick very much wears the trousers in their relationship. So much so that when she and Chris Rea married the gravelly voided warbler took Dimmock as his surname.

 

[Webbo2]

When Chris appears in gone fishing is he wearing Ted’s wig. I know he’d borrowed at Teds teeth.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses a Richard Madeley doll as bait when shark fishing.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c241gve4q32o
Chris Rea has managed to wreak havoc in China last month, after the Turdis appeared in Shanghai, he sneaked out and went to a Chinese bar, and after one too many Rice Wines with 2 teenage lads, he dared them to urinate in a restaurants soup/hotpot broth containers, the 2 lads did it, but Chris decided to clear off, before it kicked off, Shanghai Police are looking for a bearded westerner to assist with their inquiries

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS failed its MOT last week.

Regulation 11.2.8 - "Christian Fish chrome badge on bootlid partially obscuring view of rust patch."