True Facts About Chris Rea

[raleighnut]

I ought to report that. It conjures up images only mind bleach will clear. Even though I have never met Chris nor Drago.

Well think about it, why do you think Drago started this thread.............a lover spurned...................... and the state of his undercrackers is something he has widely posted about himself on many threads throughout the forum.

 

[Drago]

That infamous ‘90s Bodyform advert ‘Whoo Bodyform for you’, you’ve guessed it…Chris again!

Chris Rea wrote the Shake n Vac song.

 

[raleighnut]

Chris Rea wrote the Shake n Vac song.

Well there has to be something done with the dandruff

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea wrote the Shake n Vac song.

Occasionally it eclipses another of his hits, 'R Whites Lemonade'.

His advertising jingles are far more successful than some dross about Driving Home for Christmas.

 

[lazybloke]

Charlie Dimmock was one of Chris Rea's wives, until lured away by Richard Madeley. It was the start of their feud, although both have suffered the same loss since Charlie was brainwashed by sinister cult leader Alan Titchmarsh.

Alan has plans to bring about the downfall of Chris Rea using his time travelling greenhouse (in which he grows aubergines).

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was admitted to A&E with one of Alan Titchmarsh's aubergines stuck up his bum. He'd been vacuuming the TURDIS naked when he fell down the stairs and landed on the aubergine that Titchmarsh had just popped through the letterbox and which had somehow landed on the floor vertically.

 

[PaulB]

Chris Rea is the great-great-great-great grandson of Isaac Newton, the inventor of gravity. Before he came along, people used to float about saying, "I wish the great-great-great-great grandfather of pop legend Chris Rea would hurry up and get born so he can invent this gravity malarkey and we can all move about on that green stuff down there."

 

[Drago]

The 70's Smash tv ad robots are actually robot crew members thst escaped from Chris Rea's TURDIS.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea faked the moon landings.

Which ones? You see it's complicated. There are the moon landings that were on telly, which were faked by Chris Rea and Oliver Postgate. (Postgate later used the sets for the Clangers, but nobody noticed).

But - and this is important - the US actually did land a man on the moon, but in secret and THEY don't want us to know about it, so they covered it up. Note that that cover-up is not the cover-up about the fake landings. It's a real cover-up that they have covered up.

The question is, WHY don't they want us to know that they landed a man on the moon, and WHY are they distracting us from it by claiming that they landed a man on the moon? You won't be surprised to discover that Chris Rea is implicated.

You see Chris Rea is visible from space, and when they landed on the moon (the real secret ones, not the other ones that were faked, do keep up) they discovered that Chris Rea is flat.

 

[Pinno718]

Chris Rea is 'Flat Stanley'?!

I had better put Cornflakes on the list.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is 'Flat Stanley'?!

I had better put Cornflakes on the list.

Flat Stanley. That takes me back. He foiled some art theives as I recall.

 

[Pinno718]

Wasn't he really bad at Ice Skating? Yet Chris Rea choreographed Torvill and Dean's Balero thingy dance wotsit

 

[PaulB]

When you see Bob Dylan doing singing and that, it's really Chris Rea standing behind the curtains playing the twangy twangy bits and singing through his nose to disguise the voice meaning he can be himself when he does his songs with Bob Mortimer. He writes all Dylan's words and that. You can see Chris Rea in the background in the Dylan film that missed out in the Oscars.

 

[Pinno718]

I was sure Bob Dylan did most of the voice overs in South Park but now I know it was actually Chris Rea.

[I have decided to copy/paste 'Chris Rea, it's lot easier]

 

[Pinno718]

Another fact about Chris Rea:

Chris Rea is now a permanent fixture on my digital clip board (along with Claire Balding and Elizabeth Rizzini).