He also leaves no foot prints in fresh snow.
And have you seen his reflection in a mirror? No, and neither has anyone else.
True Facts About Chris Rea
- Thread starter Drago
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He also leaves no foot prints in fresh snow.
And have you seen his reflection in a mirror? No, and neither has anyone else.
OP
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea owns only two pairs of socks.
Each night he takes the dirty pair in the shower and uses the tomscrub himself, and dries them on the radiator while he wears the other pair.
Each night he takes the dirty pair in the shower and uses the tomscrub himself, and dries them on the radiator while he wears the other pair.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
He also uses the socks as tea strainers
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's socks were purchased 2nd hand from a charity shop.
The salesman, a Mr Accrington Tweed-Cravat, advised that they could also be used as willy farmers in inclement weather,
The salesman, a Mr Accrington Tweed-Cravat, advised that they could also be used as willy farmers in inclement weather,
raleighnut
Legendary Member
- Location
- One of the 'Elite'
Chris Rea has yet to get over the advances of a certain drag 'lady' who propositioned him, apparently the 'aroma' of months old undercrackers was just too much so he turned it down much to the dismay of the failed copper who started a rumour to besmirch the name of a talented guitar player......................God has no wrath like a Bass plunker scorned.
Moon bunny
Judging your grammar
- Location
- Basking in my own brilliance.
Did they get a subsidy from the EU before brexit?
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Chris Rea presented a spoof April 1 episode of Panorama in which he investigated the willy farmers of Accrington. It was subjected to a government D notice and never broadcast, effectively ending Chris' budding career as a serious broadcaster.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea once tried his hand at organic farming.
Sadly, torrential rain caused his first crop of organics to fail and he turned to growing illicit willies for a Colombian cartel.
Sadly, torrential rain caused his first crop of organics to fail and he turned to growing illicit willies for a Colombian cartel.
lazybloke
Ginger biscuits and cheddar
- Location
- Leafy Surrey
Chris Rea's willy farm certainly wasn't a success financially, but it added immeasurably to Britain's rich cultural heritage by featuring on the first episode if "That's life", spawning the regular photo gallery of amusingly shaped vegetables.
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OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea, huge EastEnders fan that he is, was proud of being selected to provide Ethel with a willy for the show. He did, however, draw the line at providing his sausage dog to Dot Cotton.
Dogtrousers
Kilometre nibbler
Scurrilous villains on the dark web have used AI to produce a deep fake video entitled "Young Chris Rea among the EU-subsided willy farmers of Accrington". Chris Rea said "I bet I know who's behind this" but would not be drawn further. Informed sources speculate that he is referring to Richard Madeley.
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
There is a great and unfriendly rivalry between Chris Rea, willy farmer, and Richard Madely, pussy breeder. They occasionally come to blows and become entangled together in an almighty fight before Rea is exhausted and withdraws.
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grldtnr
Über Member
It's not been easy this last decade for Chris,since his illness , his not been fit enough to do any major music projects, or do any tours , unlike his peers, Sirs , Paul , Ringo ,Rod and Elton, they still rake it in , not having that Knighthood is very tough.
But he consoles himself with all these science projects, the building of his time travel machines, although the Porta potty is nothing but trouble.
His latest project , with breeding Gopacas, and the prospect of cloning these 'Rea'lty ' superbeings, gives him hope he can organise a free transport service from the Tyne/ Tees superbase, whilst the Tranny doesn't cause as much trouble as the Turdis ,he realises he can't rely on the Time Tranny, so he is going to nip back a few years and arrange to buy up Maltas fleet of buses, convert them and train his 'Rea'lty' Gopacas super beings to drive these converted busses to enable the Residents of Tyneside and Middlesbrough to travel free, from the Redcar super Scout hut, his peers Sirs Paul, Ringo , Rod & Elton will agree to sub this ,as they freely admit to having Squllions, .
One proviso is Sir Rod wants a bus of his own to knock about incognito in the Epping forest, and Ringo wants to chug around with Chris' Deltic.
As for Elton ,,well he can't be arsed! , if you believe that.
Maybe Chris hopes he will get a Knighthood too
But he consoles himself with all these science projects, the building of his time travel machines, although the Porta potty is nothing but trouble.
His latest project , with breeding Gopacas, and the prospect of cloning these 'Rea'lty ' superbeings, gives him hope he can organise a free transport service from the Tyne/ Tees superbase, whilst the Tranny doesn't cause as much trouble as the Turdis ,he realises he can't rely on the Time Tranny, so he is going to nip back a few years and arrange to buy up Maltas fleet of buses, convert them and train his 'Rea'lty' Gopacas super beings to drive these converted busses to enable the Residents of Tyneside and Middlesbrough to travel free, from the Redcar super Scout hut, his peers Sirs Paul, Ringo , Rod & Elton will agree to sub this ,as they freely admit to having Squllions, .
One proviso is Sir Rod wants a bus of his own to knock about incognito in the Epping forest, and Ringo wants to chug around with Chris' Deltic.
As for Elton ,,well he can't be arsed! , if you believe that.
Maybe Chris hopes he will get a Knighthood too
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OP
OP
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Chris Rea's music career is faltering, so inspired by the film Tootsie he is going to dress-up in women's clothing and apply for a job as a Doctor in Kircaldy.
