True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

It's not been easy this last decade for Chris,since his illness , his not been fit enough to do any major music projects, or do any tours , unlike his peers, Sirs , Paul , Ringo ,Rod and Elton, they still rake it in , not having that Knighthood is very tough.
But he consoles himself with all these science projects, the building of his time travel machines, although the Porta potty is nothing but trouble.
His latest project , with breeding Gopacas, and the prospect of cloning these 'Rea'lty ' superbeings, gives him hope he can organise a free transport service from the Tyne/ Tees superbase, whilst the Tranny doesn't cause as much trouble as the Turdis ,he realises he can't rely on the Time Tranny, so he is going to nip back a few years and arrange to buy up Maltas fleet of buses, convert them and train his 'Rea'lty' Gopacas super beings to drive these converted busses to enable the Residents of Tyneside and Middlesbrough to travel free, from the Redcar super Scout hut, his peers Sirs Paul, Ringo , Rod & Elton will agree to sub this ,as they freely admit to having Squllions, .
One proviso is Sir Rod wants a bus of his own to knock about incognito in the Epping forest, and Ringo wants to chug around with Chris' Deltic.
As for Elton ,,well he can't be arsed! , if you believe that.
Maybe Chris hopes he will get a Knighthood too

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's music career is faltering, so inspired by the film Tootsie he is going to dress-up in women's clothing and apply for a job as a Doctor in Kircaldy.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's music career is faltering, so inspired by the film Tootsie he is going to dress-up in women's clothing and apply for a job as a Doctor in Kircaldy.

 

[grldtnr]

A few of us will well remember Judy Finigans 'Wardrobe malfunction ' live on T.V.
It's no secret ,this was of course Chris Rea's doing, this long running feud with Madely,begun with a 'Benny Hills Angels' incidence. caused back stage, when certain fop haired t.v. presenter was caught stirring Rea's Tizer cocktail with his badger, so began a chase around the studio grounds , with Madelys' trousers around his ankles.
These 2 have never got on after that.

 

[Drago]

Phil Schofield never made a pass at Chris Rea.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea got his first break in the music industry playing the triangle in Alvin Stardust's band.

 

[grldtnr]

Sometimes ,when he is out and about ,trying to eradicate the world of Liquorice Allsorts, he likes to reverse play 'Jenga' with the sweet treats, he will pile them up up top of each other, as high as they can go , then when they fall, he will stab them onto a kebab stick , then just like a Circus performance, swallow the lot in one go, pulling the lot of with his teeth.

For an Encore he eats fire , sending sheets of flame out , whilst blindfolded, simultaneously, throwing the kebab stakes at a picture of a gurning Richard Madeley spinning on a dartboard , he gets a bulls eye every time......how he does it is unknown.
Such is the entertaining talent that is Chris Rea.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to cheat at Trivial Pursuit.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris is one of the few people who can juggle chainsaws, and yet still have all his fingers, thumbs & toes.
He uses his feet, as a blues guitarist ,he rather likes his fingers where they are, on his hands!

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris is one of the few people who can juggle chainsaws, and yet still have all his fingers, thumbs & toes.
He uses his feet, as a blues guitarist ,he rather likes his fingers where they are, on his hands!

I misread that as "Chris is one of the few people who can juggle jigsaws"

How foolish of me. That would be silly.

 

[grldtnr]

This thread is non to serious, in fact it's complete nonsense.
So your belief that he was juggling jigsaws, the wood cutting type may not be that prepostrus.
But if he were juggling Jigsaw puzzles, that plainly is a stretch of imagination !

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's donor card strictly prohibits any of his parts going to Richard Madeley.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea's donor card strictly prohibits any of his parts going to Richard Madeley.

Except for one finger

 

[Dogtrousers]

Anthony Hopkins based his portrayal of Hannibal Lecter on Richard Madeley. He took a stack of VHS tapes of Good Morning with him to the set and watched them avidly between takes.

Similarly Brian Blessed based his beard in his role as Prince Vultan on Chris Rea.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

He’s broken down in a local village at the moment