True Facts About Chris Rea

[craigwend]

DeepRea is the new kid on the block free source AI, using technology 'borrowed' from a mutant ZX Spectrum 64​

​

It has already become self aware...​

After just 4 days of running and analysing humanity, DeepRea self terminated...

 

[Dogtrousers]

Ahem, I think you’ll find he has a string of whippets.

He did have some cats but they mysteriously disappeared. About the same time Chris put on weight but the two points are unrelated.

 

[DRM]

Was that Centurion , the famous 'Biggus Dickus' ?

Luckily not, they got into enough trouble without involving him

 

[grldtnr]

Must have been Deadly Dirk then, interestingly Chris Rea was involved with 'that Woman' ,Incontineta Buttocks who happened to be the wife of Biggus Dickus, not that Biggus knew,,of course

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is Europe's largest Goat farmer, he raises the Goats, then carefully cuts off their beards which he uses to make prosthetic beards for those who are "facially hair challenged " he has also successfully cross bred a Goat with an Alpaca, the offspring are known as Gopaca's and their young are called Realet's.
He is using the fleece from Gopaca's to develop a luxury, soft, but hard wearing prosthetic beard, and also hopes that a special blend of goat hair, Alpaca fleece & Gopaca fleece when turned into yarn, will make fabulous suit length's by being naturally soft, water repellent, hard wearing & breathable, he has already signed a deal with a bespoke tailor in Accrington, as he believes there will be strong demand for Bespoke Gentleman's clothing in the area.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is rumoured to have taken his experimentation with Gopaca into a very dark and worrying place. Having spun a yarn from the fleece he has fashioned it into the shape of a person and ... breathed life into it. He is planning to create a master race of naturally soft, water repellent, hard-wearing, gender-neutral beings to take over the world.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is rumoured to have taken his experimentation with Gopaca into a very dark and worrying place. Having spun a yarn from the fleece he has fashioned it into the shape of a person and ... breathed life into it. He is planning to create a master race of naturally soft, water repellent, hard-wearing, gender-neutral beings to take over the world.

Doomed to failure tho' , as he can't even cross the River Tees' without done great cack up when using the Porta Potty, what's the chance of him creating the 'Rea'lty' human super race , bog all no chance .

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's Time Transit needs a few minutes to warm up each morning as the electrics use valves instead of transistors.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea wrote the lyrics for Tubular Bells. 🔔

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is always looking for ways to reduce his carbon footprint and cut down the amount of plastic he uses. He only uses genuine cat gut strings in his guitars. He remains tight lipped about where he gets them from.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c8d92n28pqjo
After appearing over Colombo, Sri Lanka, another disaster was caused by the Turdis, when a monkey jumped on to the Turdis, but unfortunately was thrown from the roof after a minor Auberge Field backfire, the poor creature fell onto an electricity substation, causing an imbalance in the grid, which led to a nationwide blackout, Sri Lanka’s government are working tirelessly to rectify the situation, while also looking for a flying portable lavatory they believe to be responsible for the incident

 

[grldtnr]

By the Power of Greyskull,...Chris has got rather bored of watching morning Day time TV,
So jumped into his time travelling portaloo, nipped back 20 odd years to settle down to watch Thundercats.
Now he is fixated to join a Gym , take up Swordcraft and become a Thundercat !
Look out Skelator...he's after you

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea hasn't been the same since Elvis died.

 

[lazybloke]

DNA analysis confirms that Chris Rhea has avian genes.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has no fingerprints.