True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea's beard is always aligned with rising sun on the day of the vernal equinox.

Chris Rea founded the druids in 435BC, hence the beards, mournful wailing, and all pervading whiff of incense.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is also responsible for the Wailing Wall, or Western Wall in Jerusalem, where many people pray and rock backwards and forwards, this is due to The Appearance of the Turdis, and it’s megawatt sound system with “Driving Home For Xmas” on a never ending loop, the locals were driven mad by the constant playing of the song, and thus the practice of praying & rocking started, many prayers are written down and placed in cracks in the wall, lots of which ask for Chris Rea to never return, under any circumstances

 

[grldtnr]

View: https://youtu.be/E9pW6PwEayQ?si=nOBA6CIqsI2jOo7r

Chris Rea hated "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" so much, he commissioned a lady to choreograph a dance routine in a pile of the stuff, to show his complete disdain for the vile product

That's what I like about this thread, some one will have an even dafter response to a unchecked true fact.
Not a fan of Adele or advantgade modern dance, that lass sure will be a slippery one !

 

[DRM]

That's what I like about this thread, some one will have an even dafter response to a unchecked true fact.
Not a fan of Adele or advantgade modern dance, that lass sure will be a slippery one !

Regarding unchecked facts being quoted, Donald Trump has been monitoring this thread with a view to signing an executive order that specifically bans Portable plastic loo’s, elderly Transit vans, electric folding bikes and their use in the execution of time travel, however even he has to admit that nobody would believe the reason for doing so , as it’s just too far fetched

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea was instrumental in giving The Beatles inspiration for one of their last hits before splitting up, the song Get Back was aimed at his visit to Abbey Road Studios, unfortunately Chris was forcibly ejected after trying to get session work, which led to him hurling insults at the band, after that he tried to gain access disguised as a man called JoJo from Tucson, Arizona, but was thrown out again, then came back disguised as a woman, called Loretta Martin, getting into the studio, he said that the band were rubbish, Paul McCartney's songs were childish, John Lennon's guitar work was amateurish, George Harrison had a singing voice like a Magpie with laryngitis, and Ringo's drumming sounded like a lame horse galloping, and ended up once more getting slung out by security, after that he jumped in the Turdis and did Get Back To Where He Once Came From, but he still insists his work is far better than anything them bloody scousers did

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has admitted that he is struggling with his New Year resolution. "I think it was a bit rash of me to promise to eat nothing but Bird's Eye Potato Waffles for the whole of 2025" he says. "It's true that they are 'waffly versatile' but frankly, I've had enough, and it's playing havoc with my bowels."

 

[lazybloke]

Due to an auberge field mishap navigating the multiverse, our Chris Rea has swapped realities with an evil doppelganger.
You can tell the evil one, he's got a beard.

Evil Chris Rea very much enjoys the concept of marriage in this universe (in his reality, his long term partner is a tree).

 

[grldtnr]

Due to an auberge field mishap navigating the multiverse, our Chris Rea has swapped realities with an evil doppelganger.
You can tell the evil one, he's got a beard.

Evil Chris Rea very much enjoys the concept of marriage in this universe (in his reality, his long term partner is a tree).

I bet he 'wood', getting wood with a tree can't be much fun, I hear is exploring a relationship with Judy Finigan, just to get back at that Madely

 

[Drago]

The US regards Chris Rea's TURDIS as a nation-state, and has imposed 40% tariff on all Turdean imports until Rea stops the flow of illicit drugs and criminals across the TURDIS-US border.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has signed an order imposing a 9000% tariff on all imports of foreign beer into Middlesbrough. He is thought to be specifically targeting Newcastle Brown.

In retaliation, Alan Shearer has described Chris Rea as "infidel" and called for the death sentence for anyone caught humming "Fool if you think it's over"

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea went back to January 1973 and stole the pen from Edward Heath's hand before he signed on the dotted line thus leaving our fearless leader wondering why no one was there to greet him when he rocked up in Brussels today..

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea never did like Concorde, because Chris de Burgh could afford to fly on it, and he couldn't.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea not only fixed a price, but he actually paid the ferryman before he got to the other side. It didn't end well.

 

[stephec]

Patrick Moore couldn't actually play the xylophone.

Whilst he mimed banging the wood Chris Rea would be hidden off stage knocking out a tune on his own instrument.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's favourite party trick is plying a penny whistle concealed inside a large sex toy.