True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

It's a little known fact that Chris Rea provided the inspiration for Peter Gabriels first solo hit, Solsbury Hill, after leaving Genesis, Peter was at a loose end, so Chris Rea took him to see his home city of Bath during Roman times, as they explored Aqua Sulis, they decided a trip to the Roman Baths was in order, however due to a misunderstanding involving a Centurion, 2 Roman ladies, and a sponge on a stick, they had to do a runner, Chris set the controls for modern day Bath, but Peter Gabriel wasn't in The Turdis, and had to hide on top of Solsbury Hill that overlooks Bath, luckily Chris Rea went back to Roman Bath to rescue Peter Gabriel in the Turdis, which as we know is built out of a PlasLavs Eagle Mk2 loo, the rest is history, the lyrics describe Peter Gabriel's rescue perfectly.

Lyrics

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing, stretching every nerve
I had to listen, had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Son, " he said
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home"
Hey, back home
To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
'Til I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Hey, " he said
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home"
Hey, back home
When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I wanna be
And liberty, she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Hey, " I said
"You can keep my things, they've come to take me home"

View: https://youtu.be/_OO2PuGz-H8?si=D9je4sB-ulrFr69T

 

[Drago]

Peter Gabriel leases his beard from Chris Rea on a PCP plan.

£2000 Up front, £500 a months over 3 years, and an option to walk away or buy the beard for a final balloon payment of £50,000.

There are serious mileage and damage penalties, and Gabriel has to pay for all trimming, combing and conditioner.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Madonna has Chris Rea's face tattooed on her arse

 

[grldtnr]

It's a little known fact that Chris Rea provided the inspiration for Peter Gabriels first solo hit, Solsbury Hill, after leaving Genesis, Peter was at a loose end, so Chris Rea took him to see his home city of Bath during Roman times, as they explored Aqua Sulis, they decided a trip to the Roman Baths was in order, however due to a misunderstanding involving a Centurion, 2 Roman ladies, and a sponge on a stick, they had to do a runner, Chris set the controls for modern day Bath, but Peter Gabriel wasn't in The Turdis, and had to hide on top of Solsbury Hill that overlooks Bath, luckily Chris Rea went back to Roman Bath to rescue Peter Gabriel in the Turdis, which as we know is built out of a PlasLavs Eagle Mk2 loo, the rest is history, the lyrics describe Peter Gabriel's rescue perfectly.

Lyrics

Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing, stretching every nerve
I had to listen, had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Son, " he said
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home"
Hey, back home
To keep in silence I resigned
My friends would think I was a nut
Turning water into wine
Open doors would soon be shut
So I went from day to day
Though my life was in a rut
'Til I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Hey, " he said
"Grab your things, I've come to take you home"
Hey, back home
When illusion spin her net
I'm never where I wanna be
And liberty, she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me
Today I don't need a replacement
I'll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My heart going "Boom-boom-boom"
"Hey, " I said
"You can keep my things, they've come to take me home"

View: https://youtu.be/_OO2PuGz-H8?si=D9je4sB-ulrFr69T

Was that Centurion , the famous 'Biggus Dickus' ?

 

[Drago]

Vikings fitted horns upon their helmets to prevent Chris Rea landing on their head and stealing stealing beards.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea has been found living with Cleopatra, who was enchanted by his accent and strange ways. He is hoping to get the Turdis fixed soon. At least this is what experts explain the recently unearthed hieroglyphs say.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has Madonna's arse tattooed on his face. He kind of regrets this now, and covers it up with his beard.

 

[Drago]

Gerry Adams has a sideline working as a Chris Rea impersonator, so he does.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea knits his own underwear.

 

[grldtnr]

Is it string underpants ? Coz that be crocheted.
Not Crotched, Drago would never wear String undergarments.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea doesn't own a dog, so he doesn't have a need for Dog trousers , although he would like a Dachshund , as he does have a rat problem in the TURDIS

 

[Moon bunny]

Chris Rea doesn't own a dog…

Ahem, I think you’ll find he has a string of whippets.

“What ho!” said Chris Rea cheerfully as he arrived at the weekly meeting of the Saltburn Whippet Racing Club, “What do you think of my new hound, Slapdash? “Pee off ya silly beggar” chorused the other members in unison “That’s a Siamese cat!” “Damn!“ said Chris Rea, “That means the missus has taken Slapdash to be neutered”.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

DeepRea evolved from DeepHeat when a tube of the latter was left open in the warm humid toilet bowl of the Turdis. The chips that DeepRea runs on are said to have come from a chippy in Middlesbrough. Hence why they are so cheap.

 

[grldtnr]

No , he does'nt ,'own' them, true he has an interest in whippet racing , he has a flat cap and everything that goes with it, but actually 'owning' a Whippet , no he doesn't , he is just associated with a butchers dog, he holds no titles over it.
He has tried clearing out the TURDIS with it, but the mutt has more sense than most ,it just won't cross the threshold over the Porta potty, on account of the so many cock ups Chris has engineered with it
Animals are not stupid!

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea hit upon the idea of Guinness Zero while cleaning up his council flat the morning after a party and sipping at a 14 hour old glass of lemonade he found in the bathroom.