True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Indeed, the RSC thespian that later took on the role, Mr T, was such a huge Chris Rea in that he kept a trimmed-down version of Rea's punchline as his own.

 

[Dogtrousers]

When Chris Rea was a youngster he was a talented cricketer, but unfortunately his concentration was very poor. On one occasion Chris was standing at the non striker's end in a Durham v Yorkshire clash umpired by none other than Dickie Bird. Chris counted six deliveries from the current bowler and began to stroll down the pitch to have a chat with his team-mate end while the fielders changed ends. But un-noticed by Chris the previous delivery had been a no-ball, so there was still one delivery to go. Dickie Bird, realising Chris's mistake, grabbed him by the elbow and uttered the immortal words ... "Eee tha' daft apeth, I've not called over yet".

Chris later composed what he hoped would be a great hit entitled "Eee tha' daft apeth, I've not called over yet" but the music business execs felt that he needed to change the title somewhat.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's hit record, Auberge, was inspired by his secret sexual perversion. Not much is known about this, other than it involves aubergines.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was in a van being driven by one of his faithful gnome-roadies from London to Middlesborough. There were reports of congestion on the M1 near Watford so they set off up the A1 Barnet Way, hoping to avoid the worst of the traffic. They must have taken a wrong exit at the Stirling Corner roundabout because they soon found themselves on the A411. The Satnav started indicating that this was wrong but the gnome-roadie insisted the Satnav was wrong, that you couldn't trust technology, that the satnav must be broken, and there was no problem. It wasn't until Chris saw a roadsign that he was able to explain to the gnome-roadie "This ain't no technological breakdown, oh no. This is the road to Elstree".

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea took the Turdis to Cyprus, 1956, he materialised at Nicosia airport, where Archbishop Makarios 111, was waiting to board an aircraft, The Archbishop was caught short, and in desperate need of a wee, spotted the Turdis and nipped inside, this was just as Chris was due to take off, in his surprise the Archbishop lent on a button and the pair ended up on Mahe Island on the Seychelles, Chris booted him out & went back to current Teesport Time Travel Megabase, without realising that the EOKA claimed Makarios had been abducted & escalated their attacks on British interests on Cyprus, once again by accident, the Turdis wreaks havoc in the past

 

[grldtnr]

Due to storm Eyowyn, Chris has not been given permission to fly the TURDIS,
He doesn't think it's reasonable, so with an extra large bag of Pontefract cakes ,Chris had to drive his electro mini down to the auction house, ..... he isn't sure how his getting home, so his custom modified Brompton is in the boot.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea played a soldier in For a Few Dollars More. Unlike most extras his facial hair and clothing already matched that of the Civil War era.

 

[lazybloke]

I was a bit disappointed not to bump into Jenny Agutter though.

Chris Rea's primary reason for building the Turdis was to travel back in time to ask a younger Jenny Agutter on a date.
The number of approaches and even a couple of spontaneous marriage proposals are now getting quite embarrassing for Jenny. Besides, we know Rea has several wives already, so this is just pure greed.

Nevertheless, Rea still makes an annual pilgrimage to the Keighley & Worth Valley Railway to relive her scenes from The Railway Children.

I'd mention how he celebrates her scenes in 'An American Werewolf in London' or 'Logan's Run', but this forum is family-friendly.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has been reading on another thread about eating Ginger for health benefits, but it has descended into the gutter,
Now, given that we know about the many wives of Rea ,across time dimensions, it's given him hope that he can revive flagging his libido with judicious use of a piece of carved Root Ginger.....

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is the biological father of the railway children.

 

[craigwend]

Chris has been reading on another thread about eating Ginger for health benefits, but it has descended into the gutter,
Now, given that we know about the many wives of Rea ,across time dimensions, it's given him hope that he can revive flagging his libido with judicious use of a piece of carved Root Ginger.....

Unfortunately...

 

[Drago]

It was Chris Rea who was the first person to ask themselves, "I wonder what that stuff tht comes out of a cows nipples taste like?"

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris is credited with the phrase “How now, brown cow?”. The cows answer was always noooo

 

[Hover Fly]

174 pages of this nonsense and no mention of Chris Rea’s liking for cat-flesh pie.

 

[Drago]

The reason dogs are such a popular dish in China is because Chris Rea ate all the cats.