True Facts About Chris Rea

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea teaches classes in flower arranging at his local WI. They are always very well attended.

 

[Drago]

Donald Trump has today signed an executive oder making Chris Rea an honourary Colonel in the Space Force, and mandating Chris Rea style beards for all ranks from Sergeant upwards. Lower ranks will keep the traditional goatee beard, particularly the women.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea materialised at the Trump inaugaration as Elon Musk took the stage, wearing his special invisibility suit, he chased Elon round the stage with an invisible Ken Dodd tickling stick, then kept tickling him to put Elon off his speech, then gave Elon a jab in the ribs forcing him to do a 1930's/1940's special German wave to the audience, he then went home feeling very pleased with himself

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has appointed Jimmy Nail as the North East's ambassador to the US. His first act has been to present the president with a pair of crocodile shoes. Unfortunately they were way too big and this is developed into a full blown diplomatic incident.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has a new hobby, he first digs a Square hole, then back fills it with the spoil from a round one, then digs another one, but triangular, this time, and so on and so on. Plainly this is silly ,and there is no way of knowing where it's heading.
He got the idea from the old BBC Kiddy show Playschool, with the windows, he met his first big love Jemima on it, but it was unrequited love....

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has a new hobby, he first digs a Square hole, then back fills it with the spoil from a round one, then digs another one, but triangular, this time, and so on and so on. Plainly this is silly ,and there is no way of knowing where it's heading.
He got the idea from the old BBC Kiddy show Playschool, with the windows, he met his first big love Jemima on it, but it was unrequited love....

Jemima , batted for the other side, Chris would have been better off with Humpty. ,as Big Ted and Little Ted were also an item.
At least with Humpty Chris had a chance of a leg over....

 

[Dogtrousers]

Playschool affected Chris Rea deeply, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the worse.

As a young man, if ever he got lucky and a young lady agreed to go back to his digs he would often spoil his chances when they got to his doorstep by obsessively reciting "Here's a house, here's a door, windows one two three four. Ready to play? What's the day?" and refusing entry to his inamorata if she did not immediately respond with the day of the week.

Mostly they just said "weirdo" and left, leaving Chris alone with nothing for it but to to get Jemima out of the toy box.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris likes to look through the round window at Looby Loo.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea did not have sexual relations with that woman.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Hilary denied it as well

 

[grldtnr]

You know, it strikes me that somebody ought to write all this down into a book with pictures ,coz nobody is going to believe it at all.
.......but then again , perhaps Chris all ready has, he has been playing us for Fools all over, if you think it's over, ,well it is now.
Drago, you got a strong case for royalties, but just who holds the intellectual property rights to Chris Rea......

 

[grldtnr]

Playschool affected Chris Rea deeply, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the worse.

As a young man, if ever he got lucky and a young lady agreed to go back to his digs he would often spoil his chances when they got to his doorstep by obsessively reciting "Here's a house, here's a door, windows one two three four. Ready to play? What's the day?" and refusing entry to his inamorata if she did not immediately respond with the day of the week.

Mostly they just said "weirdo" and left, leaving Chris alone with nothing for it but to to get Jemima out of the toy box.

I forgot Hamble, but she always had that Scowl on her face.....
Perhaps , Hamble was Jemimas' bull dyke???????

 

[Drago]

When Chris Rea withdrew from Afghanistan several dozen desperate citizens clung to them outside of the TURDIS as it taxied for take off, and were on after to fall to their death.

 

[DRM]

Play School helped Chris Rea to win a huge role in a later Kids TV Series, as Timothy Claypole, in Rentaghost, he wrote the theme tune, but the producers wouldn't let him sing it, something to do with union rulings allegedly

 

[Drago]

The fillum Quatermass and the Pit was loosely based on Chris Rea's discovery of the TURDIS during the excavations for the railway station where he stores his Deltic.