True Facts About Chris Rea

[craigwend]

Chris 'fires up' the TURDIS and travels back to 1973...

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea briefly dated Wendy Richards.

Sadly, due to Rea's time manipulating shenanigans, by the time they broke up Richards looked old and haggard despite being chronologically only 18 years old.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Todd Carty was their love child and went on to become an actor. Todd does his best to pretend he is from the east end of London. Disowning his north eastern roots.

 

[Drago]

Todd Carty's brother Rod believes Chris Rea is is father, but he was actually sired by Richard Madeley.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was seen hiding behind some trees near Rod Hull's house with a powerful transmitter that had the potential to disrupt Rod's TV reception

 

[DRM]

The BBC film from 1984, Threads was widely believed to be about a nuclear strike on Sheffield, however it actually simulated the effect an auberge field explosion would have, after Chris Rea blew up Stones Brewery, after a four pack of Stones Bitter from his local off licence gave him terrible stomach cramps, sickness & the worlds worst case of the trots, however Roy "Chubby" Brown managed to calm Chris down after supplying him with some immodium & chilled loo roll, the government carried on & treated the threat as an exercise in case of Soviet or Turdis explosions over the UK.

 

[craigwend]

Your chance to get the Turdis...

https://www.topgear.com/car-news/electric/chris-reas-electrified-classic-mini-coming-auction

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea used to carry the Mini on the TURDIS as a sort of lifeboat in case Gren Flag couldn't go back in time far enough to assist.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea decided to save on wallpaper costs by using the stickers from bananas and other fruit. It's slow going but he's done a decent sized patch on his bedroom wall.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea discovered Australia in 1704 and was promptly eaten by the locals.

Only judicious and slightly confusing usenk his time machine has allowed to be alive in the present day.

On an interesting side note, the eating of Rea lives on the the racial memory of the Australians and women traditionally grow beards in his memory.

 

[T4tomo]

Chris Rea invented the cardigan

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea invented the cardigan

Buttons or zip?

Or maybe a business venture with Spanx to integrate auberge field technology - providing not only fastenings, but also concealment and containment of belly fat.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea also invented the tin foil cod piece, designed to protect the wearers gentleman vegetables from being irradiated.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea also invented the tin foil cod piece, designed to protect the wearers gentleman vegetables from being irradiated.

I have to ask, why would any one be putting their "Junk" in a microwave, or anywhere near a radiation device?
These Tynesiders are a weird ,weird lot !

 

[Drago]

I have to ask, why would any one be putting their "Junk" in a microwave, or anywhere near a radiation device?
These Tynesiders are a weird ,weird lot !

Using uranium to keep their nethers warm is a traditional passtime up their way. This custom is believed to have started when a rectangular shaped comet exploded in the sky in 1722, showing the ground with pieces of warm metal that gave an eerie green glow.

The time continuum was almost destroyed when among the wreckage was found a Chris Rea album. Fortunately it was ann8 track cartridge and no kne had a machine to play it.