True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea isn't real

No , but he is Rea.... Otherwise we wouldn't be dissing him!

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea recently went back to Norway in the time of the Vikings, so he could study how Viking society works, unfortunately the door of the turdis was left ajar, on his return Chris realized he had 2 stowaways on board so did an emergency landing in the Scottish Highlands where the 2 interlopers escaped, Police Scotland are now actively seeking the person who released 2 Lynx into the Highlands, Chris claims no knowledge of the incident

Won't he be in bovver with the Border agencies tho', smuggling foreigners,

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea uses the TURDIS to cut the grass as its a lot less bover than a hover.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea can do more squat thrusts that Brian Jacks.

This is not surprising if you consider the little known fact that Chris Rea has partially bionic legs.

He was involved in a horrific ice-cream making accident when he was young, prompting those clever boffins at the Grand University of the North East* to say "Wheyaye, we can rebuild him man"

* Formerly known as Redcar Bash Street Secondary Modern.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea got exited about the prospects of cross dressing, he was getting positive remarks from several drag shows he turned up at, but they all said the beard was a dead giveaway.
Because he won't shave, and the fact he is positive about the use of a beard poultice nod Domestos and Marmite he wears nightly...... He realised the nightclub cabaret circuit of the Tyne Tees area wasn't for him

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea got exited about the prospects of cross dressing, he was getting positive remarks from several drag shows he turned up at, but they all said the beard was a dead giveaway.
Because he won't shave, and the fact he is positive about the use of a beard poultice nod Domestos and Marmite he wears nightly...... He realised the nightclub cabaret circuit of the Tyne Tees area wasn't for him

That explains why the Bearded Lady that I saw in a freak show recently looked strangely familiar

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea recently went back to Norway in the time of the Vikings, so he could study how Viking society works, unfortunately the door of the turdis was left ajar, on his return Chris realized he had 2 stowaways on board so did an emergency landing in the Scottish Highlands where the 2 interlopers escaped, Police Scotland are now actively seeking the person who released 2 Lynx into the Highlands, Chris claims no knowledge of the incident

Ahem, it was actually 3 Viking stowaways.
He let the other one out in Washington DC on 6th Jan 2021.

 

[grldtnr]

So, it's back to his original calling of 'SnoCones' making ice creams,, as a pocket money raising odd job.
Not for him the night club glamour of the greasepaint.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had joy, he had fun, he had seasons in the sun.

 

[grldtnr]

Ahem, it was actually 3 Viking stowaways.
He let the other one out in Washington DC on 6th Jan 2021.
View attachment 758345

Not only is Chris Rea into cross dressing, also Cross posting as well ,that's him in a early attempt at show buisness

 

[lazybloke]

Not only is Chris Rea into cross dressing, also Cross posting as well ,that's him in a early attempt at show buisness

Popular Eurovision contestant Conchita Wurst was tutored in vocals, song-writing and beard-care by Chris Rea.

 

[grldtnr]

Such a talented lad is Chris ,even at his undisclosed advanced age, always looking at ways to turn a penny, even if it's just a trick.
These time Travelling machines of his are costly to run, it's not beer money you know.Time travel does that,you don't know where you are ,from one moment to the next, or who you will be...
Dementia beckons......

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea has got a new wheeze of flying his cloaked TURDIS at high speed through Police speed traps, just above the cars of celebrities who he thinks need taking down a peg or two.

In the last few weeks alone, this has resulted in speeding convictions for Harry Maguire, Justin Bieber and Russell Brand.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea has got a new wheeze of flying his cloaked TURDIS at high speed through Police speed traps, just above the cars of celebrities who he thinks need taking down a peg or two.

In the last few weeks alone, this has resulted in speeding convictions for Harry Maguire, Justin Bieber and Russell Brand.

That's surprising, considering that Chris Rea is Justin Bieber's biological father.

 

[grldtnr]

Community minded as well, ...but maybe he is looking for a kick back from plod, for increasing speed awareness on the roads
........never going to happen that.