True Facts About Chris Rea

[DRM]

Word has it Chris Rea got there first and has taken her to see the Ottoman Empire for real in preparation for her latest TV series, hopefully there will be no disasters that upset Attaturk

 

[grldtnr]

Now don't you worry Unca Drags, I'll treat Alice very well, she will want for nuffink , the very best Babycham going , complete with a cherry on a stick, or a Mackerson milk stout if that's what she wants, heck I've even changed the bedsheets!

I've got a thing for that Lucy Worsley , saucey blond minx , her that does the beeb history stuff.
Should she put out before Prof Alice then there's a chance Drags can keep his 'muse' , but should Alice be interested ,well I'll shove another mattress in the camper van....

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had finally persuaded Professor Alide Roberts to go on a date with Drago, but it all went wrong when the TURDIS materialised and they could see Dr Hannah Fry snogging him.

This resulted in a cat fight with lots of swearing and hair pulling, but Alice and Hannah were able to separate Drago and Rea and restore order.

 

[grldtnr]

Oooohhh ,! Dr. Hannah Fry , I live a 'Ginger' ,so unpredictable.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Oooohhh ,! Dr. Hannah Fry , I live a 'Ginger' ,so unpredictable.

Ahem. Professor Hannah Fry

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea had finally persuaded Professor Alide Roberts to go on a date with Drago, but it all went wrong when the TURDIS materialised and they could see Dr Hannah Fry snogging him.

This resulted in a cat fight with lots of swearing and hair pulling, but Alice and Hannah were able to separate Drago and Rea and restore order.

Drago, if you must be greedy, dating multiple women whilst also married, then you need to follow Chris Rea's sneaky methods of having spouses in different timelines so they can never meet. He sold the idea to the BBC as the docu-drama 'Goodnight Sweetheart'.

Chris Rea now has 17 wives, which is extremely tiring if he visits too many consecutively. After one birthday bonkathon, he returned home exhausted to his original wife and coined the phrase "Not tonight, Josephine".

This led directly to Rea inventing Viagra.

 

[grldtnr]

Drago, if you must be greedy, dating multiple women whilst also married, then you need to follow Chris Rea's sneaky methods of having spouses in different timelines so they can never meet. He sold the idea to the BBC as the docu-drama 'Goodnight Sweetheart'.

Chris Rea now has 17 wives, which is extremely tiring if he visits too many consecutively. After one birthday bonkathon, he returned home exhausted to his original wife and coined the phrase "Not tonight, Josephine".

This led directly to Rea inventing Viagra.

Which leads on to the question ,'where does Chris Rea keep his love sausage, ?
I think if our anti - hero gets confused, with 17 different time lines,
That's why he favours button up fly's on his Trews, one little slip ,and a bit too much haste, it could be agonising.
We've all been there , well us men anycase, except for the 'eunuch ' version of Rea.

 

[Drago]

Ahem. Professor Hannah Fry

Indeed! She can flagellate me as punishment.

 

[lazybloke]

Which leads on to the question ,'where does Chris Rea keep his love sausage, ?
I think if our anti - hero gets confused, with 17 different time lines,
That's why he favours button up fly's on his Trews, one little slip ,and a bit too much haste, it could be agonising.
We've all been there , well us men anycase, except for the 'eunuch ' version of Rea.

Nah, button-fly takes too long. With 17 concubines, including Professor Doctor Alice Roberts, he prefers easier access to his trouser vegetables.

This led directly to Chris Rea inventing velcro.

 

[Drago]

The sitcom Goodnight Sweetheart is based on Chris Rea's time travelling g adventures. Indeed, Chris Rea's middle names are Gary Sparrow, named as he was my his mum who was a huge fan of Gary Glitter and sparrow pie.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea is no wordsmith, so invented Susie Dent to help out whenever he needs to write a letter, book or song.

He lets her out every Wednesday afternoon to record Countdown.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea bitterly regrets organising a birthday bash for his dear friend Boris "Shagger" Johnson.

In Rea's defence he had travelled directly from watching Patton give Rommell's forces a good spanking in WW2 and there was no lock down there.

 

[lazybloke]

When Chris Rea invented velcro fly trousers, Boris 'Johnson' was the test pilot.

 

[Drago]

After years of Auberge Field backfires and the resulting chaos, Chris Rea finally stumped up the cash and took the TURDIS to the dealer for a tune up.

A few days later he was giving Theresa May a lift home from an Illuminati meeting whereupon the the PM remarked about how smoothly the TURDIS was running. Rea was pleased, and described how "strong and stable" the Auberge generator was.

May liked this turn of phrase and stole it for her next election campaign...with near disastrous results.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cvg6zrvdq7qo
Despite splashing out for a full service and tune up, the Turdis has now started backfiring worse then ever, and materialising nowhere near to where the "Home Button" is programmed, a video has caught the latest disaster, as the Turdis appeared off the coast of Peru, and gave off a massive Auberge Field blast, Chris Rea on managing to get back to the Teesport Time Travel Megabase immediatley went on social media to blame this latest disaster on a Toon Army, as he thought it better to pin the blame on, in his words, "That Shower of Shoot up the A1" Peruvian authorities can't believe that a portable plastic convienience could wreak so much havoc.