True Facts About Chris Rea

[lazybloke]

When Chris Rea invented velcro fly trousers, Boris 'Johnson' was the test pilot.

 

[Drago]

After years of Auberge Field backfires and the resulting chaos, Chris Rea finally stumped up the cash and took the TURDIS to the dealer for a tune up.

A few days later he was giving Theresa May a lift home from an Illuminati meeting whereupon the the PM remarked about how smoothly the TURDIS was running. Rea was pleased, and described how "strong and stable" the Auberge generator was.

May liked this turn of phrase and stole it for her next election campaign...with near disastrous results.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cvg6zrvdq7qo
Despite splashing out for a full service and tune up, the Turdis has now started backfiring worse then ever, and materialising nowhere near to where the "Home Button" is programmed, a video has caught the latest disaster, as the Turdis appeared off the coast of Peru, and gave off a massive Auberge Field blast, Chris Rea on managing to get back to the Teesport Time Travel Megabase immediatley went on social media to blame this latest disaster on a Toon Army, as he thought it better to pin the blame on, in his words, "That Shower of Shoot up the A1" Peruvian authorities can't believe that a portable plastic convienience could wreak so much havoc.

 

[grldtnr]

Seeing as Chris is Italian, he really ought to know of the 'Italian' tune up technique, works well in Cars & Vans, it regularly gives the time Transit a tune up, racing it around the Redcar bypass when at the Teesport mega base, never has any bovver wiv it, but the Porta Potty is nothing but trouble so much so he is thinking of junking it and getting a Morris 'Ital' to make another time travel machine.
Not ideal, as not many about and they rust away like it's on the Road to Hell.....

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS has travelled more miles than Reform UK has members.

Rea gleefully tweeted this on X and now Nigel Farage is threatening to sue.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea's TURDIS has travelled more miles than Reform UK has members.

Rea gleefully tweeted this on X and now Nigel Farage is threatening to sue.

Is it thanks to time travel that it's only got fifty miles on the clock?

 

[DRM]

A few years ago Chris Rea was chatting to Lemmy, when he let slip about the Turdis, Lemmy insisted on being taken for a ride in the Turdis, where they ended up in 1972, at a London recording studio, luckily 1972 Lemmy had just nipped to the off licence for refreshments, when 2012 Lemmy showed up, the band were utterly baffled by how Lemmy seemed to have aged 40 years in 10 minutes, after explaining what had happened, he went back to 2012 with Chris, when 1972 Lemmy came back, he thought they had started boozing, and smoking funny cigs without him as they told him he had come back from 2012, with an older Chris Rea to see them, they quickly wrote a song about a time machine called "Plastic Machine" but later changed it to "Silver Machine" as they quite rightly thought no one would believe time travel was possible in a Plastic Lav, that was yet to be invented, and being Silver it sounded more classy .

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea owns more pairs of footwear than @Mo1959

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdekj28yjw4o
More details of the Turdis & it's luxury appointments have come to light, after specialist toilet bowl manufacturer from Japan, Toto, say owners shouldn't wipe the seat & lid with toilet paper, as it scratches and discolours the plastic resin it's made from, Chris ordered his in specially from Japan, a top of the range washlet, with a heated seat, automatic flush, variable pressure bidet function & a music player, with this in mind, as well as the cost, Chris always uses a microfibre cloth, to take care of his comforts when navigating the ages, along with specialist cleaning liquids, unfortunately the Auto empty function has been known to get it wrong, and has cost many Water Companies a fortune in fines, as they get blamed for polluting the rivers & seas.

 

[grldtnr]

But the Porta potty is just a 'bog' standard potty with the pump handle, are you saying the TURDIS is a sum of more than it's parts and is in fact a sumptuous Japo Kharzi
Honestly I don't know why he insists on still using it,when the time travelling Transit is so much more reliable.

 

[grldtnr]

The end of the calender year is fast approaching, I wonder what shenanigans Chris is up to tonight, travelling through various time Portals ,is he going to mess with the Northern & Southern hemisphere celebrations, .......his already banjaxing the tube and national rail services...

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea wanted to see in 2000 tonight again, but there's an elusive Y2K bug in the time circuits, which he thinks might end the universe.

So he's just going to stay in and have a glass of sherry with one of his wives.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea had 6 wives.

Indeed, he invented radical ethical veganism in order to get a divorce. And he simply beheaded the other 5.

 

[DRM]

The end of the calender year is fast approaching, I wonder what shenanigans Chris is up to tonight, travelling through various time Portals ,is he going to mess with the Northern & Southern hemisphere celebrations, .......his already banjaxing the tube and national rail services...

He's already caused Hogmanay to be cancelled across Scotland as an Auberge field Backfire over the Irish Sea has caused strong winds & rain to lash the country, leaving New Year Revellers mightily fed up

 

[grldtnr]

I didn't drive home for Christmas, but I did ride home for the New year,
Best wishes for all , including Chris Rea.