True Facts About Chris Rea

[stephec]

But he'd give it a quick suck first.

I'm trying to avoid doing a, 'swallow,' joke, but it's hard.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea has had to forgo his Xmas dinner this year, as he nipped round to drop off a Christmas present to an elderly neighbour, Mrs Smith, he handed the gift over, and just as he was ready to go home she said “Ooh Chris I’ve got you some Brazil Nuts, so being grateful for the small gift he ate a couple before going home, Mrs Smith said, are they alright? Chris said “Yes they’re lovely thank you” Mrs Smith said “I thought you’d like them, I know you’re watching the calories so I sucked the chocolate off them for you first” understandably Chris felt terribly sick and missed out on the Turkey plus all the trimmings back at home, poor Chris!

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea was originally hired to play Mick Dundee but was sacked when during filming for the "call that a knife?" scene he pulled a halibut from inside his jacket.

Something fishy about that fib, and it's not halibut......

 

[Tribansman]

The artist formerly know as Chris Reactor used to get distracted driving home for Christmas by frequent bouts of road rage

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea alias is the Wicked 'Hood' on the Thunderbirds, admittedly he has shaved his hair and beard, but he can put those back on from his dressing up box...,.I can't ever forgive the Hood for what he did to Kirano, the Tracey's loyal manservant.

 

[grldtnr]

Of course he wrote the theme toon, and sang the theme toon of 'Thunderbirds' ......proving he can count,well at least from 5 to 1

 

[Drago]

In reality there was only two Kray brothers, Ronnie and Reggje. Older brother Charlie was in fact Chris Rea, who would explain his long TURDIS enabled absences as hiding from the law.

 

[grldtnr]

In reality there was only two Kray brothers, Ronnie and Reggje. Older brother Charlie was in fact Chris Rea, who would explain his long TURDIS enabled absences as hiding from the law.

His also done a star turn in the latest Clay motion action comedy movie , where he plays a vicious criminal mastermind as....
FEATHERS McGraw.

 

[craigwend]

Chris Rea actual given name is, ∂³Σx²2¥ - and this can only pronounced correctly on the planet Dearth by highly skilled anal bagpipe players...

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is a firm believer in cutting crosses in the base of Brussels sprouts. So strong are his views that he actually came to blows with Richard Madeley in a dispute on the subject.

 

[Drago]

Following his dispute with Richard Madeley Chris Rea used the TURDIS cloaking device hide a load of champagne in Madeley's shopping trolley. Having then withdrawn to the safety of the car park he called the police and gleefully watched the action from afar.

 

[grldtnr]

Following his dispute with Richard Madeley Chris Rea used the TURDIS cloaking device hide a load of champagne in Madeley's shopping trolley. Having then withdrawn to the safety of the car park he called the police and gleefully watched the action from afar.

Which doesn't surprise me one bit !. Despite his general genial disposition , it's all a front,he is actually meaner than Scrooge, Christmas past, Christmas future, and Christmas present! ( What presents , you'd be lucky !!!)

His also done a star turn in the latest Clay motion action comedy movie , where he plays a vicious criminal mastermind as....
FEATHERS McGraw.

Actually he is a dab hand at the 'Birdy' dance , whack a red rubber glove in his bonce, and his away flapping his arms like a goodun'.
And say no more about his 'Funky Chicken's , way more funk than James Brown could ever funk......

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is the inventor they based Wallace on, they disguised the character by doing away with the goatee and hair do, the madcap inventions were kept

 

[grldtnr]

Nothing madcap about the time machines, except the TURDIS Porta Potty is a bit ,well, potty , it's very unreliable.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea actual given name is, ∂³Σx²2¥ - and this can only pronounced correctly on the planet Dearth by highly skilled anal bagpipe players...

His Dearthern name , is remarkably close to his Christmas hit Driving home for Christmas, that same repetitive refrain. , and let's be honest it's not a particularly good Christmas tune.
Noddy Holder, gets close with his rendering 'it's Christmas ! ' but Noddy is barely sober after drinking 57 and a half pints of Banks' mild beer, now that's a firkin' lot , in fact a barrel full!