True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea was Russell Crowe's stunt double in Gladiator. Rea had to rest in bed for months beforehand to allow his huge muscles to atrophy down so he would pass as the then hunky Crowe.

 

[grldtnr]

If i ever watched it, or knew who the characters were, i would know how to comment on that 'splaying' typo

As the high priest of the cult of Rea, you do know there is an element of ritual involved, a particular rude one Involving Aubergines and a plate of herrings rolled in oats, and it's nothing like the fishslapping dance as shown in Pythons flying circus.
All behind closed doors, at the Alter I. The ante room aboard the TURDIS.

 

[Drago]

The White House lectern upon which Joe Biden leans when giving his speeches is an artifact from Area 51, a 1:4 scale model of ChrisnRea's TURDIS.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Conan the Barbarian is based on the life of Chris Rea. It depicts the years his Turdis broke down.

 

[Drago]

The Land That Time Forgot is based upon an ill fated journey by Chris Rea. A failed Auberge Crystal left the TURDIS stranded in a strange forgotten land.

Rea was able to repair the TURDIS using a green Fruit Pastille, good enough for one journey before burning out. He then wrote the film script, changing just enough to avoid suspicion that he might own a secret time machine.

 

[grldtnr]

The Land That Time Forgot is based upon an ill fated journey by Chris Rea. A failed Auberge Crystal left the TURDIS stranded in a strange forgotten land.

Rea was able to repair the TURDIS using a green Fruit Pastille, good enough for one journey before burning out. He then wrote the film script, changing just enough to avoid suspicion that he might own a secret time machine.

Ah, but his cover is well blown now, it's an open fact all over t' 'interweb fingy, that Chris has at least 2 time travelling machines, plus a lot of his exploits and his failures mostly with the TURDIS, polypropylene plastic isnt the best material, it's goes ferloppity when warmed, therefore the Auberge radiation leak out easily.
He has to wear lead lined Drago underpants to resist it's effects.

 

[Toshiba Boy]

Chris Rea's first true love was Florence from Magic Roundabout.

He was devastatied when she took Zebeedee's "Time for bed?" literally.

 

[Seevio]

One day of the year is the anniversary of the Big Bang. Chris Rea knows which day it is and celebrates in secret each year.

 

[Drago]

Interestingly, scientists can still detect traces of Auberge Radiation that linger on from the Big Bang.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's first true love was Florence from Magic Roundabout.

He was devastatied when she took Zebeedee's "Time for bed?" literally.

What exactly went 'Boingggg'".!( Florence was such a flirt, twerking all over the place)

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea's first true love was Florence from Magic Roundabout.

He was devastatied when she took Zebeedee's "Time for bed?" literally.

That explains the origin of the song "Dougal you think it's over"

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea once performed in a pantomime as the back half of a donkey so he wouldn't be recognised 🐴
Oh, yes he did!!

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea once performed in a pantomime as the back half of a donkey so he wouldn't be recognised 🐴
Oh, yes he did!!

Oh ... yes indeed he really did!

Sorry, I can't contradict a True Fact.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has been hired by the BBC to go back in time and ensure Savile is not hired.

 

[grldtnr]

Now, I have this theory is Chris well,?

We haven't heard anything from his omnipotence to criticise us plebs on 'dissing' him ,publishing unverifiable 'True' facts, perhaps 'Lazybloke' cocked up on a ritual that as chief priest of the cult of Rea, he can only perform behind the locked doors of the TURDIS, he was calling up the spirit of Clair Sweeney to ex cise a particularly peculiar ritual, and got Clare Balding instead, , seeing as Ms.Balding bats for the other side, the ritual had gone Pear shaped, and now his omnipotence Chris Rea is languishing in the ethers, unable to unleash his fury on us , his deciples.

What say you ,High Priest 'Lazy bloke' did you cause such a commotion, admittedly it's to protect us from our masters wrath?