True Facts About Chris Rea

[grldtnr]

Despite all his superpowers and time travelling, Chris still can't pick the lottery numbers right , how ever hard he tries !

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's first job was as a red coat at Butlins. The doats were red because his magic show involved sawing a person in half, and he didn't always get it right,

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea originally built the Turdis as a way of avoiding paying the toll for the Middlesbrough Transporter Bridge.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea once made detailed plans to build a secret lair inside a hollowed-out mountain, from which he would direct space hijackings and other misdirections in order to provoke war between the US and the USSR. Obviously he was feeling a bit bored that day.

Thankfully the CEGB chose the same mountain and mobilised quicker than Rea to build their pumped-storage hydroelectric power station. Rea abandoned his ploy for world domination, and went into singing instead.

He would still quite like a white persian cat though.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS counts as an HGV for the purposes of the M6 toll road.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea once made detailed plans to build a secret lair inside a hollowed-out mountain, from which he would direct space hijackings and other misdirections in order to provoke war between the US and the USSR. Obviously he was feeling a bit bored that day.

Thankfully the CEGB chose the same mountain and mobilised quicker than Rea to build their pumped-storage hydroelectric power station. Rea abandoned his ploy for world domination, and went into singing instead.

He would still quite like a white persian cat though.

Chris Rea has been expecting you, MR LAZYBLOKE!!!!

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea has been expecting you, MR LAZYBLOKE!!!!

'I'LL GET YOU ,AUSTIN POWERS !'

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea knows the scam about the ball in the cup, and find the lady card games, neither of them are 'games', which generate enough funds to pay of Romanian foreign debt.
He quite likes showing the 'ball in the cup ' game to Orangutans at game reserves, the big apes just fall about laughing at his attempts to scam them.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris once bought a parrot from a travelling flying circus.,.....
You can imagine the argument when he took it back to complain.

 

[DRM]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cpwrr58801yo
Apparently, the UK’s oldest satellite, the Skynet-1A has mysteriously moved from it’s geostationary position above the East coast of Africa, to a position above the Americas, the government has no idea how or why, even who has moved it, but there are traces of the satellite’s paint on the Turdis

 

[Drago]

You've heard of the fifth Beatle?

Chris Rea was the eleventh Beatle.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris always wears his Poppy with pride....he also got a big one for the TURDIS.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea lives in a poor reception area and cannot receive Dave on his TV.

That being the case he uses the TURDIS to pop back in time to watch Top Gear and Red Dwarf live instead.

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea is also into gardening, particularly hybrid plants, he has done extensive work on house plants, one of which he left in the Turdis, so having gone back to 1938 to meet up with Gracie Fields, he gifted this house plant to her, this proved to be another disaster, and a blessing in disguise too, unbeknown to Gracie, Chris had crossed the plant with a Canadian Redwood tree, as the plant grew to an unbelievable height, the council put an order in place to fell the thing, after being bombarded with complaints, yet the giant plant was the inspiration for one of Gracie Fields most popular songs, that she sang to entertain the troops in WW2, none of who knew that “The Biggest Aspidistra in the World “ was real, and had nearly brought Rochdale council to it’s knees, who had to be assisted by specialist lumberjacks from across the world to cut the thing down

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's visits to WW2 Peenemunde and subsequent sighting of the TURDIS are what inspired Hitler to create the wunderwaffen.

At the end of the war Rea helped Hitler and Eva Braun to escape to 60 million years BC. As a consequence, all of humankind is descended from the couple.