True Facts About Chris Rea

[lazybloke]

In 1981 Chris Rea got one of those puzzles that is a pair of twisted nails in a Christmas cracker. He still has it, but has never figured out how to do it, despite spending time on it most days. "It reminds me of the inevitability of failure and the futility of existence" he quips.

And the stability and projection of the Auberge field is modulated by movements of another cracker staple, the magic fish.
Rea is aware of its limitations, but its better than manually calibrating field strengths using the magic calculator.

 

[lazybloke]

Rumour has it that electronic voting machines are sensitive to auberge fields, and that Chris Rea took a TURDIS flight over the States yesterday

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea and William the Conqueror secretly collaborated on a blues-rock album, recorded in a hidden studio beneath the Tower of London. The album, titled "Conquest of the Highway," was never released due to concerns about its radical sound disturbing the peace of the realm.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea ran as a 3rd candidate in the recent US elections. Sadly the Auberge party saw its chances torpedoed early on when the printer produced flyers, posters, t shirts and mugs for the "Aubergine Party".

In the end he received only four votes, all of them from aubergine admirers who for some strange reason all had silent farts.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea was bitten by a radioactive bluebottle.

He can now perform some quite amazing feats like dodging flyswatters but his diet is disgusting.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea was approached to play The Inredible Hulk in the eponymous seventies TV series. However, he declined because he didn't want the green make up blocking his pores and damaging his silken skin.

The role eventually went to the rather less muscular Lou Ferrigno.

 

[lazybloke]

Decades ago, Biddy Baxter vetoed the selection of Chris Rea as a Blue Peter presenter, because despite his friendly manner and squeaky clean background checks, "no-one trusts a man with a beard"

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea is due to appear in a Christmas episode of Coronation Street as Gail's 34th husband.

He will be murdering her on christmas day, and in typical soap style Rea's character, Daniel McStabber, will not be outed as the killer until 2029 as desperate producers draw the plot out.

This is good news for Rea, for whom sales of his latest album of nursery rhymes set to slide guitar have been very disappointing. So bad in fact that his record company have given his catalogue Straight To Charity Shop status.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is due to appear in a Christmas episode of Coronation Street as Gail's 34th husband.

He will be murdering her on christmas day, and in typical soap style Rea's character, Daniel McStabber, will not be outed as the killer until 2029 as desperate producers draw the plot out.

This is good news for Rea, for whom sales of his latest album of nursery rhymes set to slide guitar have been very disappointing. So bad in fact that his record company have given his catalogue Straight To Charity Shop status.

Just exactly how many times has Gail been 'murdered' now, I knew her when she was the former Mrs.Tilsey, sure not going to watch her as Mrs. McStabber.
All soaps bore me.
Except 'Brookside' Anna Friel , was fascinating as her character was Lezzie, Margaret Clements, her 'Lover' was rumoured to be played by a transgender Chris Rea ( incessant time travel plays havoc with human genomes), but Chris' Beard stubble ruined the illusion, although he did wear a 'bubble' perm wig rather well.
I was prepubescent then my own hormones all over the shop, like a randy butchers Dog!

 

[Drago]

Claire Sweeney from Brookside is now of corrie too,splaying and Chris Rea/Daniel McStabber love interest.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

Chris Rea is said to be able to do really good Frank Butcher impersonations.

'You Do' nut !'

 

[Drago]

Rumours are that the control panel of Chris Rea's TURDIS is made from wood from the bar of the Queen Vic pub.

 

[lazybloke]

Claire Sweeney from Brookside is now of corrie too,splaying and Chris Rea/Daniel McStabber love interest.

If i ever watched it, or knew who the characters were, i would know how to comment on that 'splaying' typo

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Rumours are that the control panel of Chris Rea's TURDIS is made from wood from the bar of the Queen Vic pub.

Chris Rea was pulling a pint of Old Balls (4.2 ABV) in his Turdis, when he suddenly found himself in the middle of a gladiatorial contest in ancient Rome.