True Facts About Chris Rea

[Seevio]

Chris Rea insists that thorpe is a very rude word and sulks for 3 days, 5 hours and 17 minutes every time someone says it.

 

[grldtnr]

I 'thorpe so,I 'thorpe' so!
That's Chris shut up for a whole week now..

 

[DRM]

Chris Rea’s modified Brompton has been officially declared a success, it can fit in both the Turdis, and the Time Transit, ready to be deployed at a moment’s notice, in final tests in the early hours of Sunday morning it achieved a pedal assist speed of 146 mph along the A19 Northbound, close to Billingham, he passed a Police vehicle that was unable to keep up, so he left the A19 and hid on a housing estate, Cleveland Police have put out a description of a suspected just eat courier, sporting a goatee beard, to answer questions with regard to a possible charge of Wanton & Furious Cycling

 

[Drago]

General Patton wanted Chris Rea to play him in the biopic, Patton. He was most disappointed when George C. Scott got the part.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris has some strange sexual peccadilloes, he can't engage in Congress unless there's photo of Bet Turpin pinned to the headboard and smeared in garlic butter. ( Himself ,not Betty )
He thought it was the American entertainer Bette Milder, but was confused when he found out it was the famed pint puller from Corry street.
No, sorry ! My mistake that's my fantasy......

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea always misses the cats-eyes when changing lanes, even when driving at his customary 764mph.

 

[Drago]

The first Harrier prototypes were actually mock ups powered by Chris Rea's TURDIS.

 

[DRM]

In further news after the success of Operation White Elephant recounted up thread, where Chris Rea was able to get Adolf Hitler into an early grave as a gibbering, drooling wreck, he decided it was time for some R&R, so he packed some gear into the Time Transit, and took himself off to the 1970 Isle of Wight festival, where a musician in a Transit Van blended in perfectly, he managed to blag the chance to jam along with Taste, but was the cause of a huge row when he asked Rory Gallagher if he kept his guitar under the Irish Sea, eventually this ended with the band’s breakup, the night before that he played with Kris Kristofferson, but tripped and pulled cables out of the PA, causing the audience to boo them off as there was no sound, then on the Saturday he wandered on stage during Joni Mitchell’s set, as a hippie called Yogi Joe, and nearly had her booed off stage, luckily she rallied and turned the crowd round after Chris was removed from the stage, then on the Sunday he was invited by his Middlesbrough mate Paul Rodgers to join FREE on stage, where they both joined in with Alright Now to a tumultuous reception, then in the early hours of the 31st he got to play along with Jimi Hendrix, however that was beset with problems, mostly a security radio was heard over Jimi’s amp, it was Chris shouting 1-9 for a copy breaker breaker & car 54 where are you down the thing, however the way they segued little wing into fool if you think it’s over was sublime, but sadly the film was lost in an editing accident, much to Chris’ annoyance, but all to soon it was time to go home and think of where his travels should take him next.

 

[Drago]

Anyone remember hose BBC sound effects records you used to be abkemto buy? Well, those were noises recorded inside Chris Rea's TURDIS.

 

[Illaveago]

Chris Rea has recently done a DNA test for a TV programme and it was discovered that he shares a common ancestry with a Rhea.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has been approached by the residents of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, demanding he pay reparations for the carnage wrought by the Auberge Field of the TURDIS.

 

[grldtnr]

Anyone remember hose BBC sound effects records you used to be abkemto buy? Well, those were noises recorded inside Chris Rea's TURDIS.

All recorded in the TURDIS khazi,, amazing sounds you can get waggling the pump and using a comb & tissue kazoo kind of thing, and not only blowing through it with your lips......

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented the mircowave oven. What you get is essentiually a miniaturised Auberge Field generator in a box.

 

[Dogtrousers]

If a tree falls in a forest, Chris Rea hears it. And he never forgets.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea played Commie #47 in Dr Zhivago. He appears briefly in the scene where Zhivago farts at the dinner table and a stunned silence befalls the room.