True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea had a prostheic leg fitted which carries an attachment the clips to all know escooter brands.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

It’s not a leg, no one knows how he gets away with it.

 

[Drago]

Indeed. Chris Rea doesn't have a leg to stand on.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea always keeps his sunny side up.

 

[grldtnr]

Not in a one legged arse kicking contest he won't!
But we are talking Chris Rea here,class of his own.

 

[Drago]

Thanks to the TURDIS, Chris Rea owns a G Type Jag.

 

[DRM]

An English teacher has uncovered a 1,600 year old stone in his garden in Coventry, it is carved using symbols in an early form of writing called Ogham, scientist believe it could be someones name and where they come from, they don’t know how close they are, it actually reads Chris Rea was ere, 424 AD.
https://www.artnews.com/art-news/news/ogham-stone-ireland-discovered-england-1234706301/

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS was fired upon by HMS Hood, who's gunners had mistaken it for the Bismarck. This made him angry whereupon he turned the full fury of the Auberge Field on the ship, causing it to explode almost instantly.

Rea later refused to licence the name TURDIS to film makers, so the event was filmed as Sink the Bismarck with Kenneth More playing an affable Rea.

 

[grldtnr]

Chris Rea's TURDIS was fired upon by HMS Hood, who's gunners had mistaken it for the Bismarck. This made him angry whereupon he turned the full fury of the Auberge Field on the ship, causing it to explode almost instantly.

Rea later refused to licence the name TURDIS to film makers, so the event was filmed as Sink the Bismarck with Kenneth More playing an affable Rea.

Affable Rea, !? Aren't you just taking the Chris ,a bit with that one?
It's not Cockney rhyming slang , but Chriss rhymes with P.....

 

[grldtnr]

.for a truer way of saying, is 'Mickey Bliss' ,shortened to taking the Mickey.....Mickey Bliss......Pi...

 

[DRM]

On 21st June 1919 Chris Rea flew the Turdis over Scapa Flow, to get a grandstand view of the captured German fleet of battleships, sadly once again things took a turn for the worst, as the Turdis gave off a huge auberge field blast, and sank 53 German ship in one go, the German Rear Admiral Ludwig Von Reuter was blamed for giving the order to scuttle the ships, the huge blast welded bulkhead doors open and blew holes in vulnerable parts of the ships, causing them to sink very quickly with no way to prevent it, Rear Admiral Reuter was locked in a POW camp until 1920, as no one believed him that “Eine fliegende toilette het meine schlactschiffe in die luft gesprengte” roughly translates as a flying toilet blew up my battleships, he was never the same after seeing the trouble one Turdis can cause

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea's TURDIS is considered so prestigious it is given the honorary call sign Air Force Zero when transiting US airspace.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea has more cravats than @Accy cyclist

 

[lazybloke]

There's one* significant problem of travelling in time; the auberge field destroys caffeine, and its lingering effect means Chris Rea hasn't had a decent coffee in decades.

* WellI suppose there are all those tricky grandfather paradoxes too, but it's difficult to keep a sense of perspective when you can't even get a decent Americano.

 

[DRM]

Saturday 28th September 2024, Chris was so engrossed in his time travel visit over Scapa Flow, he nearly forgot he had to be at the Riverside Stadium to go see his beloved Middlesbrough FC, he got back just in time for kick off, but was in such a rush to get into the ground he forgot to turn on the invisibility setting, due to the large crowd, and the excitement of a win over Stoke, he was late exiting the ground and on returning to the Turdis he didn’t realise that thousands of supporters had used the facilities, with the tanks full to bursting, he set off on his next adventure, to investigate the Nazi’s efforts to build an atomic bomb, first stop was Telemark, Norway, on arrival he thought the Turdis wasn’t handling properly, just as he flew into the heavy water production area, the Turdis started it’s automatic tank emptying sequence and filled the heavy water tanks with the vile blue toilet fluid mixed with the shoot from all the football fans who had been on the pies and beer, this ruined the Nazi’s evil plans for an atomic bomb, and also gave Adolf another ulcer, and pushed him further along to a full breakdown, by 1945 you can see Adolf visibly shaking, Chris did that to Adolf, Chris thought it best to get out of there sharpish, as he didn’t want to be seen, plus the stench was like the worlds biggest pig farm on a hot summers day, and attracted all the flies from a 6 mile radius of Telemark.