True Facts About Chris Rea

[rogerzilla]

Chris Rea, Chris De Burgh and Chris Martin are all forms adopted by the liquid polymetal cyborg C-1000. It's working on Chrissie Hynde but it struggles to get women's hair right.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea holds the world record for juggling goats. He won his goaty beard in recognition of this feat.

 

[Drago]

Death once had a near Chris Rea experience.

 

[Wixsteman]

Chris Rea is a feared enforcer for the notorious Scottish crime clan- The Krankies

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea went on a motorhome tour of the Highlands with Nicola Sturgeon.

 

[Seevio]

Chris Rea was the inspiration for every Spielberg film ever made.

 

[Dogtrousers]

As a schoolboy Chris Rea's French pen-friend was the rugby player Jean-Pierre Rives. In an interview with l'Equipe in 1998 Rives recalled that his English pen pal's letters never made any sense. He also admitted that he'd never heard of Chris Rea and had no idea that his incomprehensible correspondant had become one of North East England's favourite crooners.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea was the very first subscriber to Duolingo and has invested several years learning languages so he can record a covers album, singing in the original languages.

The tracklist includes

The Girl from Ipanema, portugese.
99 luftballons, german.
The ketchup song, Spanish.
Joe le taxi, French.
He's struggling which Abba song would be best, Swedish.

He wasted months on Esperanto, only to find the choice of songs to be particularly poor. Can't win 'em all.


Release date is 2nd August.

Spoiler

It's rumoured that volume 2 is already in the works, and will focus on Asian language songs. Rea likes a challenge.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea rarely travels outside his native North East. He has often said that this is because he doesn't need to. "What does the world have to offer that Middlesbrough doesn't do even better?" he told Smash Hits in 1989. However he has recently admitted that the real reason was his morbid fear of unfamiliar toilet arrangements, and that he now regrets the opportunities that he missed.

 

[lazybloke]

Hmm. After writing about the Girl from Ipanema 20 mins ago, Spotify decided to play it.

Does Spotify have access to ALL my internet materials? I guess not, as it hasnt played Chris Rea yet.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea and Nicola Sturgeon have a love child called Erica Roe.

 

[Paulus]

Chris Rea was working as a changing room attendant at the time of the Erica Roe incident at Twickenham on that day.

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea used to work as a waitress in a cocktail bar, but now he's been picked up, turned around, and turned into someone new.

 

[Dogtrousers]

In 2004 emergency services were called to an address in Middlesborough to free a man "trapped by a domestic appliance". Details have never been confirmed and Chris Rea has refused to answer any questions on the subject.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has hastily deleted and blocked Huw Edward's phone number.