True Facts About Chris Rea

[markemark]

Well volunteered, Sir!

Sorry just now read the thread and realise just how dull my post was!!

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea only has a black ane white tv licence.

 

[PeteXXX]

Chris Rea does 3 No. 2's a day

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Chris Rea once had a no. 1, in 1971. It took 16 weeks to get it out of the charts.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea, ever the perfectionist, ensures each poo is exactly the same length as the previous one.

 

[Moon bunny]

The Archbishop of York has abandoned Christianity to follow the one true path to enlightenment, following the teachings of Chris Rea.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea once ate a Walkers crisp that was shaped like the Archbishop of Canterbury.

 

[Gwylan]

The Archbishop of York has abandoned Christianity to follow the one true path to enlightenment, following the teachings of Chris Rea.

Steady on that's a bit too far, he used to be in my phone book.

 

[Dogtrousers]

It's a little known fact that the silhouetted "woman" dancing on the credits of Tales of the Unexpected is actually a young Chris Rea.

 

[lazybloke]

Like his fellow North-Eastern musician Sting, Chris Rea is capable of hovering. The pair of them are frequently seen floating serenely over the North Sea.

There's a story about how he learned to hover.


After reading Stings autobiography "Broken Music", Rea enthusiastically sought the same psychadelic drugs that Sting had tried in Brazil.
Sting made arrangements for the ceremonial drinking of Ayahuasca in a beautiful and tranquil location surrounded by mother nature: Low tide on Friday night under Skegness pier, near the sewage outfall.

The experience was like flinging open the bi-fold doors of perception, and at the moment of peak intoxication and with the full moon rising, that was when Rea noticed he was bobbing 2 inches in the air; he had learned to hover!
Rea soared over the North Sea but was disappointed he did not catch sight of the famed "Doggerland" nor any of the sexy activities that must surely go on there, so he was overjoyed to be invited to Stings mansion the next month for a tantric kissmekwik and a "Brazilian Jungle experience".
Sadly there was a predictable misunderstanding; Trudie did not appreciate the gift of a ladyshave; Rea is no longer welcome at Chez Sting/Styler.

Rea never found an alternate source of Ayahuasca so he now uses a blend of Brut 33 and Dijon mustard to open his 3rd eye. He says "it smarts a bit, and doesn't achieve the same range nor altitude, but needs must". His search for Doggerland continues.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Chris Rea's Y fronts are a terrible sight to behold. There isn't a detergent that'll sort them

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea left his last pair of Y fronts down on the beach and Thames Water got fined over it.

 

[matticus]

And that post results in this...
View attachment 737988
No other username gets to number one.

Great work everyone!

This is crazy - as I look down the list of Chris Rea "results", i keep thinking "Fact? Or cycleChat true fact?"

This is how the post-truth world develops!

 

[Drago]

I'm wondering who or what we should distort as our next topic?

Cher? David Walliams? Thames Water?

 

[stephec]

Chris Rea's Y fronts are a terrible sight to behold. There isn't a detergent that'll sort them

But still pure as the driven snow compared to Drago's.