True Facts About Chris Rea

[Drago]

Chris Rea was living peacefully at his lair on Pitcairn Island but had to move when the Bounty mutineers landed.

 

[lazybloke]

In addition to singing, Chris Rea has a crazy circus act of juggling cordless angle grinders.

Which is why he's no longer welcome on Top of the Pops.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea has, at one time or another, been married to every member of Legs & Co.

 

[Drago]

Due to extensive time machine shenanigans, Chris Rea was once able to fill every space on a jury on his own.

 

[grldtnr]

Due to extensive time machine shenanigans, Chris Rea was once able to fill every space on a jury on his own.

Not only that ! Judge as well.
Many the times he has pronounced them guilty, and sent thrm gor transportation to the colonies, and if he really wanted a larf , hed put a black square on hid hesd snd sentence them to death !
He was there for the trials of both Kings that were executed, and has a particular realish in dealing with Oliver Cromwell, came back to exhume i. , hang his cadavers , then jumped back forward In time ,to put his head on display.
He wasn't up much on the puritan killjoy, especially as Chris was a victim of Ollys' purille practical jspes on Chris.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea invented the eleftric chair, the original powered as it was by a time-expired Auberge Field generator.

 

[DRM]

A rare photo of the Time Transit, captured on Port Authorities Security cameras, as it approached the Teesport time travel megabase, after another successful trip to who knows where

 

[Drago]

The first few hundred Ford Transits were badged as the Ford Turdis, but the name was hastily changed after Chris Rea went back in time and beat up Henry Ford at school.

Original Turdis badged models, recognisable by the 10-20-30-40-50-AUBERGE marked speedo, are worth serious money although you need a pilots licence to be able to drive one.

 

[Dogtrousers]

Chris Rea recently went to an auction to buy some art. A reliable source had told him that one of the lots was an original Rodin sculpture.

Unfortunately he got a bit confused and is now the proud owner of an original Reliant Robin suspension.

Undeterred, he has put it on display.

 

[Drago]

Mike Tyson has signed on to fight Chris Rea at Caesars Palace in December.

Rea has remained tight lipped about the age of the Chris Rea that will be present on the night.

 

[lazybloke]

Chris Rea was the technical manager for Paddy McGunness's Raleigh Chopper charity fund-raising effort, and only demanded 75% in fees.

Rea is now pushing McGuinness to try a grand tour in 2025. Apparently there's no mention of 'auberge doping' in the UCI rulebook, so it'll be totally legit.

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea once taught an art class.

To illustrate perspective he drew a picture of a bicycle being ridden away at an angle, thus making the front wheel appear smaller.

A passing Raleigh exec saw this and the drawing was used as the blueprint for the Raleigh Chopper.

 

[lazybloke]

Due to extensive time machine shenanigans, Chris Rea was once able to fill every space on a jury on his own.

He used the same trick to set a world record for "largest one-man-band", with 10,000 of himself.
And just to show off, he retrieved Ross and Norris McWhirter to validate the record.

 

[craigwend]

This year as a very special treat for @Accy cyclist birthday, Chris let him ride his 'Magic Unicorn'

No scientific evidence exists of this event, but we know it's true...

 

[Drago]

Chris Rea likes to impress the ladies by doing the Elephant Walk when drunk. And when sober.