Tour De France - notre Equipe

[Speicher]

Well as you say, you've been banging away half the night on the bikes. I thought you would be too tired. You could pop in during the middle of the afternoon, we could do you then fit you in before the rush.

 

[Noodley]

OK, the massage ladies can give a few minutes of their time to the hard working mechanics. I expect the pedals to be put on the bikes the right way around after this! None of this "oops, sorry boss, it's the altitude making me a bit dizzy" shoot.

Ladies, make sure you include wee Joe and treat him nice

Christ we're nearly at the end of the first week and we are still getting our act together...maybe by Paris we'll be working together. If we get that far - I fear the mountains, for no other reason than I imagine half of you lot'll keep going off the edge; and that's not even the riders!

 

[Smokin Joe]

Thanks boss, I'm glad we sorted that without having to bring Redcogs in. Hs's a good steward but he will insist on banging on about Lennin for hours on end, and I always preferred McCartney myself anyway. Sorry about the pedals, I thought screwing them onto the inside of the cranks would make the bikes more aero.

Speicher, I'll be in after the start tomorrow for a vigorous session. I find that plenty of oil helps ease that aching stiffness we mechanics are prone to after a restless night. I do hope Noodley has provided you with some appropriate uniforms for the task.

 

[Speicher]

The uniforms that Noodley has provided are too warm in the massage room. The room gets very steamy, so we have to open the windows, and close the curtains.

Budget restrictions mean that I have to sleep in the same room, so when everyone is satisfied, then I can go to bed.

 

[Noodley]

...Lennin for hours on end, and I always preferred McCartney myself anyway..

Yep, Jason McCartney from CSC had a good spell before his illness...as for Lennin, I have never heard of him. Is he one of these new boys from former Soviet places?

Speicher, those were not uniforms - they were for wearing when de-fumigating Dayvo's room

 

[rich p]

Me and Cathryn's mum are still working on the flaps Jack, sorry flapjacks
Carry On Up The Alps starring CC Williams, Oooh, I say Cadel!

 

[Noodley]

Me and Cathryn's mum...

I must say we aren't missing you rich, but could we have Cathryn mum back please. We need a steady hand. It would appear Speicher (I wonder if she is a relation of the 1933 World Champion and Tour winner George Speicher) and waffly have hands which are more wandering than steady.

 

[mondobongo]

If that Schumacher catches my wheel tomorrow I will chin him.

 

[Noodley]

If that Schumacher catches my wheel tomorrow I will chin him.

What you should do is get Cancellara to chin him...you get yerself up the road and never mind about agro.

 

[Smokin Joe]

Don't worry, I've sorted out how we deal with wheelsuckers. All the handlebars are fitted with C02 cartridges which are operated by pushing the gearshifter outwards. These fire a dart containing EPO out of the bar-end at the rider behind, who is then reported to the dope control at the end of the stage.

Word of warning:-

DON'T ACTIVATE THE SHIFTER WHEN TURNING A CORNER. We don't want any own goals.

Right, early night for me. I need all my strength for a vigorous session on the massage table working on the bikes in the morning.

PS Speicher, do you prefer red or white wine? Might help with the technique, if you know what I mean, say no more, nudge nudge

 

[mondobongo]

Its nervous on the front at the moment Moreau tried to go but we reeled him back in. Right the Pot Noodle wants us up the road does he.

We shall attack on the first climb and see if we can get away with a small group of 8 or so.

 

[Tetedelacourse]

I've just rammed a frusli, some soreen and a few gels so I'm ready when you are. Also feeling fresh having drafted behind Yenners ego for the last few stages. Allez allez allez!

 

[Fnaar]

I've just rammed a frusli, some soreen and a few gels so I'm ready when you are. Also feeling fresh having drafted behind Yenners ego for the last few stages. Allez allez allez!

Ooh la la!

 

[tdr1nka]

Ooh la la!

Pardon your French!

 

[Fnaar]

Pardon your French!

Mange tout, Tdr1nka, mange tout!