Things you'd like to say, but can't

[threebikesmcginty]

Read the f***ing manual.

Ok, no need to swear...

 

[ACW]

on our database of repairs "RTFM" (read the f###### manual) is used quite a lot

 

[Norm]

Nope, I'm sorry, the deadline for getting your expenses paid in March was the 21st. Just like it was in February, when I reminded you, and January, when I reminded you, and indeed every month since you started working here.

It is now the 25th and you still haven't got your expenses to me so no, I'm not going to amend the file which was sent in yesterday (allowing peeps to be 3 days late) and you're expenses will be paid on 30th April. If you have got them to me by the 21st April, that is.

Have a nice day.

(Actually, not strictly on topic as, last line aside, that is pretty much what I did say)

 

[Speicher]

There is a very good reason why I am not replying to your email today. I was told yesterday about this, but your version bears little ressemblance to what I was told yesterday.

If you are not feeling well, please say so. Please credit me with being very sympathetic towards you. Plans are in hand to catch up, and I am willing to do that. What I am not willing to do, is be very confused with the mixed messages that I am getting from everyone involved. Mrs Bloggs is in overall charge of this, and I am working with her. Please concentrate on getting some rest.

I do not have your telephone number, and it is difficult to compile an email, that makes sense, and does not look like people have been talking about your personal problems without your knowledge.

 

[User169]

Honestly, I'm trying to be
a gentleman about this.

Now just get down on your knees.
Down on your knees.

Stick your ass up in the air,
and don't move until I tell you.

 

[TVC]

Honestly, I'm trying to be
a gentleman about this.

Now just get down on your knees.
Down on your knees.

Stick your ass up in the air,
and don't move until I tell you.

What?

We need the situation explaining.

 

[Speicher]

TVC, I was thinking the same thing, but was not brave enough to ask.

 

[TVC]

TVC, I was thinking the same thing, but was not brave enough to ask.

I think he's looking for somewhere to park his bike.

 

[Fnaar]

No, fack orft... it's now beer o'clock and I don't get paid till Monday.

 

[XmisterIS]

Right! That's it! You miserable worm ... oh! How I despise you! I cackle in your general direction.

You have not provided me with any material for your part of the presentation, despite being asked on numerous occasions. Oh boy, are you gonna get a shock on Monday when I just pop up a single slide with your name on it (and nothing else) and say, "Take it away, matey! All yours! Too bad you didn't prepare anything!"

And yes, I will land you in the sh1t in front of everyone.

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

Right! That's it! You miserable worm ... oh! How I despise you! I cackle in your general direction.

You have not provided me with any material for your part of the presentation, despite being asked on numerous occasions. Oh boy, are you gonna get a shock on Monday when I just pop up a single slide with your name on it (and nothing else) and say, "Take it away, matey! All yours! Too bad you didn't prepare anything!"

And yes, I will land you in the sh1t in front of everyone.

Far better to just insert a blank slide and pass over to them as if you are expecting that they have a separate presentationto give... just "now, over to Dave for more details" and then leave himto get on with it. If he has nothing then he'll look like a f*ckwit, and if he does then you don't look silly for announcing that he has nothing.

 

[Speicher]

Do not, for any reason, however convoluted, blame me for how angry X is with you. Yes, I have read the e-mail he sent you.

So far I have been fairly patient. Do you really want to hear me run out of patience? No, you don't. So do as I tell you, do not argue, do not flaff about with silly excuses. How many flipping times do we need to go through this rigmarole?

 

[Spinney]

Right! That's it! You miserable worm ... oh! How I despise you! I cackle in your general direction.

You have not provided me with any material for your part of the presentation, despite being asked on numerous occasions. Oh boy, are you gonna get a shock on Monday when I just pop up a single slide with your name on it (and nothing else) and say, "Take it away, matey! All yours! Too bad you didn't prepare anything!"

And yes, I will land you in the sh1t in front of everyone.

What happened on Monday? We need to know..!

 

[ianrauk]

Right! That's it! You miserable worm ... oh! How I despise you! I cackle in your general direction.

You have not provided me with any material for your part of the presentation, despite being asked on numerous occasions. Oh boy, are you gonna get a shock on Monday when I just pop up a single slide with your name on it (and nothing else) and say, "Take it away, matey! All yours! Too bad you didn't prepare anything!"

And yes, I will land you in the sh1t in front of everyone.

Lol, I am so waiting to hear the end result.

 

[Gromit]

A student on my course has been plagiarising her assignments buy just changing the odd word around.