Things you'd like to say, but can't

[Silver Fox]

You're over promoted, incompetent, lacking in personality and haven't a clue how to manage. You were only given the job so the organisation can tick a box, you're nothing more than a token gesture.

Now go back to your office, shuffle your papers and stay out of my face. I can do the job standing on my head and don't need some inexperienced fool lacking in credibility telling me what to do.

 

[XmisterIS]

We are volunteers, you are paid staff, you sort it out! Don't blame us. Thank you. If you continue to shirk your responsibilities, we will go above your head and collectively complain about you to the practice manager and the board of trustees. Then you will be well and truly shafted.

 

[badkitty]

Thank you so much for the poinsettia you gave me yesterday, it was most unexpected. So unexpected that you didn't notice my face fall as you proudly presented it to me did you?
You see, it was only this week that I was congratulating myself on having spread the word about how much I hate the horrible pseudo "decorative" things. It's been 6 years since Nan died and stopped dishing the wretched things out every Christmas. I only took them from her because she was 94 and convinced that my daughter was a boy, so no amount of explanation was ever going to work on her.

But you! You should know better! I'm even half convinced that we've had the " how poinsettia's ruin Christmas" conversation many times before! Yet still you bring one to my door! Oooh, maybe you actually don't like me and its a deliberate ploy to ruin my Christmas?

No, I don't believe that. You may be dappy to the point of making me want to drink hemlock when I've been with you for more than 2 hours, but deep down, I believe that, as the grandmother of my children you don't really want to ruin my Christmas.

Therefore, I can only conclude that you have reached that certain age where you are compelled to purchase Poinsettia's for all your nearest and dearest and haven't even stopped to think about what you're doing.
You have put me in a horrible Christmas-spoiling position by your gift. You see, I kill the revolting things. Always have done.They just die on me, no matter what I do. Can't help it.You've just consigned me to three weeks of plant-saving misery, which will be in vain.It will die, slowly and painfully before my very eyes. Even now, I can feel the stupid thing starting to turn up its leafy pink toes and join all those who came before it on the compost heap. And that depresses me.

So I want you to know that I am going to kill it right now. I'm going to save myself the entire long drawn out process of watching it fade and drop all its crappy leaves all over my proper Christmas vegetation (Holly, Ivy, Evergreens..etc) by stripping it out of its nasty pot and hurling it gleefully into the compost today. It's kinder in the long run, really it is.

And when you come round during Christmas and ask me where it is, I will look you in the eye, try and look innocent and tell you sadly that it died suddenly quite soon after you gave it to me.

 

[Fnaar]

Ha ha! You're leaving! Surprised you got another job, actually, but you always have been a hoodwinker. And blank me in the corridor if you like, I really couldn't give a to$$

 

[ColinJ]

No, honestly, when I say that I'd rather not 'do Christmas' and would be happy for my Christmas Day meal to be beans on toast and the Christmas entertainment to be going out for a long walk over the hills - I really mean it!

 

[Fnaar]

My favourite song on this "what you'd really like to say" theme is the Special AKA with "What I like most about you is your girlfriend". Top song, and I've thought that thought on occasion

http://www.youtube.c...feature=related

 

[ianrauk]

I don't talk to her when she is in the office as she is a vile person with the mouth of a sewer. Horrible on the inside and horrible on the inside. I would rather scrape my face vigorously against the artexed walls then speak/be nice to that twat.

 

[ColinJ]

Horrible on the inside and horrible on the inside.

It's okay, we got it the first time - she's horrible on the inside!

 

[Archie_tect]

It's okay, we got it the first time - she's horrible on the inside!

...you should see the outside!

 

[ianrauk]

...you should see the outside!

Trust me... you really don't...

 

[Arch]

So I want you to know that I am going to kill it right now. I'm going to save myself the entire long drawn out process of watching it fade and drop all its crappy leaves all over my proper Christmas vegetation (Holly, Ivy, Evergreens..etc) by stripping it out of its nasty pot and hurling it gleefully into the compost today. It's kinder in the long run, really it is.

And when you come round during Christmas and ask me where it is, I will look you in the eye, try and look innocent and tell you sadly that it died suddenly quite soon after you gave it to me.

I appreciate your feelings - I'm not a great fan of the things - but couldn't you pass it on to someone else? There must be someone - a colleague, a neighbour, somebody, who'd like to have it. You could even be quite honest and say "Look, I've been given this and know I'll kill it, would you like it?"

I think some people really do get into present ruts, or can't think of anything so grab something random. I have to resort to toiletries for my b-i-l's Mum, although I wouldn't generally give them to anyone else, unless requested.

 

[ChrisKH]

Note to self; no poinsettia for badkitty!

My mother was always a fan, but she had green fingers.

 

[MossCommuter]

You're a ****ing idiot

 

[Ravenbait]

And when you come round during Christmas and ask me where it is, I will look you in the eye, try and look innocent and tell you sadly that it died suddenly quite soon after you gave it to me.

Tell her you discovered you'd developed a latex allergy. Euphorbia can cause irritation to latex allergy sufferers.

Sam

 

[Speicher]

To: Oprah Winfrey

Do not shout at me telling me that I must visit Australia. Why must I?

You are on an all-expenses paid six week tour of Australia with your entourage of 30 people, is it? I am quite sure you travelled first class, and everything has been arranged for you. Nothing will go wrong, and if it does then at least 40 will be available to put things right.

Your every whim will be catered for, and people will fall over themselves to help you.

You sound like an over-excited child, and just how many giant beefburghers have you been eating recently?