The dippy things men say (thread for the women)

[buggi]

They drive dangerously more safely than women.

that's probably true. at least when they are driving dangerously they know they are doing it LOL

 

[yenrod]

A friend of mine once shown me a film on his mobile and as far as I can tell 'man' will be deemed useless in a bed compared to a machine

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

A friend of mine once shown me a film on his mobile and as far as I can tell 'man' will be deemed useless in a bed compared to a machine

Yes, yenners, it's a fact of life than few men can compete with an 1,800 watt machine and a mains electricity supply.

 

[BigonaBianchi]

I have more near death experiences with male drivers than female drivers...except 4x4 mum who is actually not a humanoid at all but a form of alien weaponry beamed down from zog to exterminate everything in its path wearing trousers.

 

[Piemaster]

oh, and women and football don't mix!

Ever heard the female commentator on MoTD? Nothing actually wrong with the commentary but it just doesn't sound right. Mrs. P mentioned it first as well so it isn't just me.

 

[Noodley]

Ever heard the female commentator on MoTD?

She is shocking. Shouts at everything, wrong intonation, garbled 'facts' which are obviously being read from a sheet, just awful. Trying far too hard IMO to be 'one of the boys'.

She sounds like she got the job by writing "Dear Jim, can you fix it for me...."

 

[Rhythm Thief]

Ever heard the female commentator on MoTD?

Ok, it's not football, but Louise Goodman, ITV's Formula 1 pit lane reporter, is very good at her job and obviously knows a lot about F1. And she's working in a male - dominated environment where women are seen pretty much as decoration.

 

[Cycling Naturalist]

Ok, it's not football, but Louise Goodman, ITV's Formula 1 pit lane reporter, is very good at her job and obviously knows a lot about F1. And she's working in a male - dominated environment where women are seen pretty much as decoration.

Qualifications?

1. Blonde.
2. Enormous chest.
3. Can suck chrome off an exhaust.

 

[Carwash]

Qualifications?

1. Blonde.
2. Enormous chest.
3. Can suck chrome off an exhaust.

With the possible exception of that last one (can anyone confirm or refute?) you have just described Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

[Kirstie]

I have a male friend who sometimes gets sentences and phrases mixed up, and, despite being very clever, says the daftest things sometimes. None of it is attributable to his gender, but more that he is a hilariously funny person eg:

We were looking at a magazine once, with a picture of a medical MRI type scanner - one of those tuby things that you have to lie in:
Me: I wonder if that is a PET scanner?
Him (in all seriousness): Do they put animals in those? Seems a bit big for a gerbil...

Discussing his pet cat:
Him: No he still has his testicles - he's not been 'splayed' yet.

Discussing a very obvious issue:
Me: well yes it's obvious really
Him: Yes it's the real elephant in the closet* isn't it?
*should say 'room'

 

[Piemaster]

We were looking at a magazine once, with a picture of a medical MRI type scanner - one of those tuby things that you have to lie in:
Me: I wonder if that is a PET scanner?
Him (in all seriousness): Do they put animals in those? Seems a bit big for a gerbil...

OT a bit, but if it's worth telling once...........

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.

The vet goes into the back room, comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,

"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.

The vet answers, "$1,050."

"$1,050 to tell me my dog is dead?!?!" exclaimed the man.

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $1,000 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

Coat donned....

 

[peanut]

 

[Kovu]

Ever heard the female commentator on MoTD? Nothing actually wrong with the commentary but it just doesn't sound right. Mrs. P mentioned it first as well so it isn't just me.

Me and football mix. I'm good with football.
But on the female commentator on MoTD she annoys me. Not because of being a women, but because she seems to over-dramtise everything, like a goalie picked it up and it was "ohhhh he'll get over that bad miss since last match." HE picked it up off the ground you fool!

 

[Crackle]

IME males are quite good at doing one thing at a time, and doing it properly. Rather than this 'multi tasking' bollox, which usually involves not doing anything at all but making a fuss about it anyway and flapping about whilst getting nothing done.

I haven't read further than this statement.........and I don't need to. Female multi-tasking is the ability to do several things at once badly

 

[Speicher]

I haven't read further than this statement.........and I don't need to. Female multi-tasking is the ability to do several things at once badly

Whereas men can only do one thing at a time, and they still do that one thing badly.