The dippy things men say (thread for the women)

[vernon]

i had to explain that owls come out at night and they go "toowit toowoo" and that pigeons come out in the day and go "cooo cooo"

easy mistake i suppose

The mistake is also yours Buggi. Owls do not go "toowit toowoo" The Tawny owls that live in the trees on the roundabout outside my house sound like this:

Male
Femail

 

[Chuffy]

The mistake is also yours Buggi. Owls do not go "toowit toowoo" The Tawny owls that live in the trees on the roundabout outside my house sound like this:

Male
Femail

I clicked on the Femail option and fully expected to hear a full-blooded shriek of "RIIIIIIKAYYY!!!!!"

 

[Rhythm Thief]

I have a friend who can summon barn owls simply by making a similar noise to them. It's uncanny.

 

[Chuffy]

I have a friend who can summon barn owls simply by making a similar noise to them. It's uncanny.

I have been worshipped as a god by a field of chickens. All without saying a word....

 

[Noodley]

I see a barn owl on most of my night rides, she sits on a fence post about half a mile from my house. I say she, but I'm not sure, apart from the fact she has candles burning on the adjacent posts and sits on scatter cushions....

 

[Chuffy]

I see a barn owl on most of my night rides, she sits on a fence post about half a mile from my house. I say she, but I'm not sure, apart from the fact she has candles burning on the adjacent posts and sits on scatter cushions....

"Oooh I don't want my own vole but I'll have half of yours...."
Etc.

 

[Noodley]

"Oooh I don't want my own vole but I'll have half of yours...."
Etc.

Too true.

Mr Owl: You want me to get you a vole?
Mrs Owl: No, I'm alright.
Mr Owl: You sure, I could get a couple if you want.
Mrs Owl: With these wings?
Mr Owl: Ok then...

...2 hours later.

Mr Owl: For feck sake, leave some for me.
Mrs Owl: Hormones....you wouldn't understand.

 

[Chuffy]

"Oooh I don't want my own vole but I'll have half of yours...."
Etc.

Too true.

Mr Owl: You want me to get you a vole?
Mrs Owl: No, I'm alright.
Mr Owl: You sure, I could get a couple if you want.
Mrs Owl: With these wings?
Mr Owl: Ok then...

...2 hours later.

Mr Owl: For feck sake, leave some for me.
Mrs Owl: Hormones....you wouldn't understand.[/QUOTE]
Birds eh?

 

[spandex]

Who would have em

 

[Chuffy]

I declare this thread well and truly jacked.

 

[ColinJ]

I love the old 'men can only do (upto) one thing at once' thing. My ex used to say that about me all the time.

Despite declaring me to be totally incompetent, she still phones me up every few months to fix her PC, usually at about 10 o/c in the evening because she has some urgent course work which needed to be handed in about 2 days previously and something has gone wrong 2 days after the deadline (huh?)...

What normally happens is that I walk in, sit down and assess the problem. She calls this 'wasting time'.

Then I decide on a course of remedial action and start to implement it. She calls this 'messing about'.

I ignore those comments and try to get on with cookie-clearing, driver-reinstalling, really-not-so-obvious-turning-printer-on-at-the-mains, whatever, but I am then physically dragged away from the computer by her so that she can fix it herself!

It never ceases to amaze me that a woman who was pleading for me to be her unpaid computer technician 10 minutes ago, has suddenly become an I.T. specialist...




Despite being a member of the efficient gender, she would often play the old 'act first, think later' trick on herself; I lost track of how many times she did it over the years. We'd be in a hurry to go out, but she'd be finishing off about 2 hours of essay-writing. Despite constant reminders from me, she never used to save her work until she'd finished. She also wouldn't have auto-saving turned on in Word because she didn't like her 100 GB hard drive 'filling up with files'...

Eventually her version of War and Peace would be finished. She'd jump up from her chair and say "Sorry for keeping you waiting!" as she clicked the Close button in the corner of the Word window. Knowing what was about to happen I'd try to say "No! make sure that you save yo..." but she was always too quick for me. A popup window would have appeared bearing what I'd consider a fairly important message - "Are you really sure you want to throw away the essay that you've just sweated blood over?" A little tut-tutting sound would come from her lips, closely followed by an impatient conversation with the machine - "Of course I do, I know what I'm doing, just close down now!"........... "... ur work first!!!!"

"What?"

"I was just saying that I'll go and put the kettle on - you'll be wanting a cuppa while you write that essay again!"

"What are you talking about, I just saved it!"

"No you didn't."

"Did!"

"Didn't!"

"Did!!!!!"

"Okay, if you can show me a copy of it, we can go to the pub, otherwise I'm heading to the kitchen!"

After 5 minutes of frantic searching, a little-girlish voice would ask "Er, where did I save it to...?"

"YOU DIDN'T SAVE IT. WORD TRIED WARNING YOU BUT YOU IGNORED THE WARNING AND LOST ALL YOUR WORK. AGAIN!!!!"

Then she'd start crying.... Men - useless! Women - er, let's not go there !

 

[yello]

As much as I TRY to be a modern man, me and the misses are definitely playing in gender roles. I am afraid of the kitchen, I never used to be (as a single bloke) but now I feel completely incapable! I didn't know everything has to go back in the same place, that's there's only one way to do some things. If I'm asked to do something, and I'm willing, I just know I'm going to do something wrong! Same with the washing machine. I daren't put clothes in, or do an impromptu wash - because there's a proper time and way. I have no idea what it is, and I'm damned if I can work it out!

So I do bloke things; chop wood for the fire, check mole traps, stuff like that. I just feel far more useful if I stay out of the way!

Seriously though, I do think there is a different way (perhaps male/female) of seeing and doing things. I do put up with stuff far my willingly than my wife (well, she puts up with me so she wins hands down there!). Doesn't make me lazy, just less concerned about some stuff!!

 

[wafflycat]

I declare this thread well and truly jacked.

You mean the men have jacked off?

 

[Arch]

Anyone been listening to "How to Get things Really Flat" this week on R4? One guy's comic stab at making housework 'male friendly' - mostly by making it seem... competive isn't quite the word, skillfull maybe... Very good.

Personally, I shy away from 'men!' type comments because a) I can't stand such generalisations made about women, or anyone for that matter and I can't think of a feature of each of the various men I've known that hasn't been roundly contradicted in another chap. I suppose I might point out a certain willingness to leave washing up longer than I'd like, but that's probably more to do with me being a bit of a stickler for doing it straightaway, and I've known plenty of women who were horribly untidy in that respect.

It can be quite dull, being me, and so fair minded....

 

[yello]

It can be quite dull, being me, and so fair minded....

LOL! True true! It doesn't make good copy does it.

I do think there's as much difference between any 2 men, or 2 women, as there is between men and women... but periodically when these sorts of discussions arise, and certain remarks strike a chord (albeit in a humorous way), you've just go to wonder!