Phrases/terms for things that make you chuckle

[TVC]

Here's 10p, go and call someone who gives a f**k.

 

[bobg]

Couple of Merchant Navy ones that always amused me..

a two bagger... for a particularly ugly lady, one to cover her head and another in case the first one gets ripped

Moored in the lee of bum island... first day ashore and cuddling the misses "spoons position"

 

[Tetedelacourse]

Shut it or I'll drag you about like a wet tracksuit.
I'll stuff you in a bin.
Fanny like a ripped out fireplace
" " like a stab wound in a gorilla's back
Face like a tomato with teeth.

 

[Dayvo]

An Aussie mate was always shouting out at a grinding (car) gear change:

'Mate, you're meant to change 'em, not re-arrange 'em'!

or

'Pick one, mate, there's five of 'em in there!'

 

[Tetedelacourse]

She had a face that would drive rats from a barn

 

[simonali]

'tits like slate-hangers nail bags'

'thick as pigshit'

'Steven, you nob jockey'

 

[simonali]

...looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

That reminds me of one.

Look like their face caught fire and someone put it out with a cricket bat.

 

[Milo]

She had a face like a smashed crab.

 

[Milo]

Brings me back to the WVB days.

 

[gambatte]

2 more farting ones:

"Speak up Brown, you're through"

"Get out & walk!"

 

[Milo]

One more fart related.
"must be those barking spiders again"

 

[purpleR]

My back teeth are floating

 

[Chuffy]

'Girl gammon'
Courtesy of my delicate lady wife....

 

[tdr1nka]

Colder than a penguins chuff.
And,
Who trod on the duck? Mouse on a motorbike? - more breaking wind refs.

 

[Kestevan]

"Soft shandy swilling southern jessies" - a friendly term of endearment for any of you unfortunate enough to come from anywhere south of Sheffield.

"A mouth like the inside of a Turkish fishermans shammy-leather maggot bag". -Perfectly describes that taste, the morning after the night before.