Park benches, benches of parks............wot?

[Joey Shabadoo]

I see the Rev IM Jolly has joined us

 

[Tail End Charlie]

Near me there's a very nice set of benches overlooking a mere. It's a popular spot for children and parents to feed the ducks, swans etc. It's a victim of its own success though as the guano covers the benches and RSPB display boards. I've taken to cleaning them off weekly but it's an ongoing battle. Anyone any ideas what I can do to deter the birds from depositing?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Anyone any ideas what I can do to deter the birds from depositing?

Send them a threatening letter

 

[irw]

Near me there's a very nice set of benches overlooking a mere. It's a popular spot for children and parents to feed the ducks, swans etc. It's a victim of its own success though as the guano covers the benches and RSPB display boards. I've taken to cleaning them off weekly but it's an ongoing battle. Anyone any ideas what I can do to deter the birds from depositing?

Anti-bird spikes.

 

[perplexed]

Near me there's a very nice set of benches overlooking a mere. It's a popular spot for children and parents to feed the ducks, swans etc. It's a victim of its own success though as the guano covers the benches and RSPB display boards. I've taken to cleaning them off weekly but it's an ongoing battle. Anyone any ideas what I can do to deter the birds from depositing?

 

[Tim Hall]

Near me there's a very nice set of benches overlooking a mere. It's a popular spot for children and parents to feed the ducks, swans etc. It's a victim of its own success though as the guano covers the benches and RSPB display boards. I've taken to cleaning them off weekly but it's an ongoing battle. Anyone any ideas what I can do to deter the birds from depositing?

Dog piss.

Or collect some stones. Where quantity of birds = n you'll need n/2 stones.

 

[Tail End Charlie]

Send them a threatening letter

Tried that. They shat on it and sent it back without a stamp.

 

[Tail End Charlie]

Anti-bird spikes.

Thought of that, but don't want any children to become impaled on them.

 

[Tail End Charlie]

View attachment 391972

That'll do! Are seagulls, moorhens and coots edible? Swans and ducks are obs.

 

[Tail End Charlie]

Dog piss.

Or collect some stones. Where quantity of birds = n you'll need n/2 stones.

And how do I collect the dog piss?
Don't understand about the stones. In any case, I'd need a few tonnes.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

[QUOTE 5119691, member: 259"]Pythons?[/QUOTE]

 

[Tim Hall]

And how do I collect the dog piss?

Dogs p*ss on benches, that's more than enough reason not to sit on one

Don't understand about the stones. In any case, I'd need a few tonnes.

It's a proverb, innit.

 

[NorthernDave]

I agree, very handy for leaning the bike on.

Perhaps someone should start a thread for photos of bikes in front of benches...

 

[Jenkins]

Similar to one of the benches posted by @booze and cake on page 2, a memorial bench in Claydon, near Ipswich

 

[Levo-Lon]

Well i love a good bench