Bonefish Blues
Banging donk
- Location
- 52 Festive Road
I'll toss 'em up, you hit them out of the ground
Odd factoids
- Thread starter Blue Hills
- Start date
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Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Buster Gonads kept having implants of ever increasing size in order to maintain his notoriety, and thus his income from the ladies mags.
Latterly he had a pair of bowling balls implanted, but following a painful smack in the face during a recent disqualified driving incident he is thnking of having them removed prior tomprison and changing his name back to Katie.
Latterly he had a pair of bowling balls implanted, but following a painful smack in the face during a recent disqualified driving incident he is thnking of having them removed prior tomprison and changing his name back to Katie.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Katie Price invented a range of simple, durable, plastic toys for children. She dreamed up the idea while fishing, and thus the firm she founded was named Fisher Price.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
Fisher Price was a mate of Fishman‘s Friend. Thus the plastic cough sweet was invented. They had a good laugh down the pub about that.
twentysix by twentyfive
Clinging on tightly
- Location
- Over the Hill
Physicists have been searching for the magnetic monopole for a long long time now. It's quite a dangerous occupation from the health point of view. Medics describe sufferers of Monopoly. One of the give away symptoms is wanting to put houses on Park Lane.
Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
Kerplunk is Korean for "I've dropped one"
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
In Korea, a dog is not for Christmas.
Thanks to every house having a freezer there will be some left over for New Year too.
Thanks to every house having a freezer there will be some left over for New Year too.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
A snail can sleep for three years. After a good nights sleep many are heard to say “Slept like a snail last night”.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
It has been made an international law, that microwave ovens cannot exceed the sizes we see in the stores.
Bizarrely, this relates to the cataclysmic event that eliminated the large dinosaurs. It is speculated that the intense heat and pressure from the meteorites didn't actually kill the dinosaurs, it simply shrunk them to the size of chickens.
The fear is that if a microwave was wired up in reverse, and the cabinet large enough, a chicken cooked too long could reverse the whole process.
Bizarrely, this relates to the cataclysmic event that eliminated the large dinosaurs. It is speculated that the intense heat and pressure from the meteorites didn't actually kill the dinosaurs, it simply shrunk them to the size of chickens.
The fear is that if a microwave was wired up in reverse, and the cabinet large enough, a chicken cooked too long could reverse the whole process.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Microwave ovens are based on the design of the first windscale reactor, but scaled down. They are useful as they provide sonewhere the goverment to dump depleted uranium.
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
In the 1960s the UK Government came up with another sneaky way of disposing of nuclear waste. They mixed it up , with silt from Morecambe Bay, called it amalgam , and gave it to dentists. It was used for many years for fillings before a scare about mercury leaking causing health issues. This was to cover up the nuclear waste mixed in. People with these filling thought they could hear radio two at night. It was in fact secret Russian communications using the nuclear force.
Threevok
Growing old disgracefully
- Location
- South Wales
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
The Welsh Language was invented for a wheeze by Taffy O'Joker, the famous practical pith taker. Prior to this the Welsh spoke superb English with received pronunciation.
After watching a documentary on the Discovery channel, multi-trillionaire Bill Gates and his wife Melinda Messenger were appalled at the carnage being caused by Icelandic whale fishermen. They instructed their chief of staff, Larry Hagman, to buy up and decommission all all of the Icelandic whaling fleet and to do whatever it took to Save the Whales.
However, Mr Hagman misinterpreted the instruction and instead of buying the Icelandic fishing fleet, he bought the Iceland freezer shop chain. He also attempted to Save Wales, by banning the English language, converting all road signs to Gaelic, and giving all native Welsh speakers a million pounds and unlimited access to frozen products from his chain of freezer shops.
However, Mr Hagman misinterpreted the instruction and instead of buying the Icelandic fishing fleet, he bought the Iceland freezer shop chain. He also attempted to Save Wales, by banning the English language, converting all road signs to Gaelic, and giving all native Welsh speakers a million pounds and unlimited access to frozen products from his chain of freezer shops.
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Bill Gates was born Shirley Punchamaface. Unsurprisingly, he was bullied at school mercilessly.
As a teenager he took apart time job posting out invoices, or bills, for a local wrought iron gate manufacturers, in other words he would send the bill for the gates. Thus he adopted Bill Gates as his name.
Similarly, Melinda Messenger was born Agnes Wart-Deformity, and he first job from school was working as a morse operator for Mel Gibson, thus she became Mel's Messenger.
Mel Gibsons own birth surname was Schicklegruber, but he changed the surname to reflect his love of the Gibson EB3 bass, although he remained a raging antisemite.
As a teenager he took apart time job posting out invoices, or bills, for a local wrought iron gate manufacturers, in other words he would send the bill for the gates. Thus he adopted Bill Gates as his name.
Similarly, Melinda Messenger was born Agnes Wart-Deformity, and he first job from school was working as a morse operator for Mel Gibson, thus she became Mel's Messenger.
Mel Gibsons own birth surname was Schicklegruber, but he changed the surname to reflect his love of the Gibson EB3 bass, although he remained a raging antisemite.
