Odd factoids

[roubaixtuesday]

Alf Nelson was Horatio's younger brother.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Nelson's Column is a controversial piece published daily in the Grauniad

 

[Drago]

The Guardian are purveyors of premium, super absorbent toilet paper to Conservstive Party Headquarters.

 

[roubaixtuesday]

Conservative Headquarters is a death cult where the initiation ceremony for a new member requires them to decapitate the longest serving member, cut the removed skull into four neat pieces then preserve it in malt vinegar in a jar to conserve it.

 

[Drago]

Hitler was once refused a dinner invitation to Conservative Party Headquarters due to his perceived soft and tolerant attitude to minorities. Most affeonted at this snub, Hitler invaded Poland in anger before realising, too late, that the Tory HQ was in Hades, and not Danzig.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Land of soap and water,
Hitler's having a bath.
Churchill's looking through the keyhole,
Having a jolly good laugh

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Wind has always been a problem for residents of Southend due to the constant consumption of jellied eels and pie mash & liquor.

It's the reason behind West Ham singing about blowing bubbles rather the misconception that it's about a fondness for Greeks.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

Jellied eels is actually a mispronunciation due the crafty cockney love of a bargain, looking out for jelly deals.

 

[Drago]

Cockneys get their name from the fact that their c***s do indeed swing down by their knees.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

A knee replacement operation in Cockney land requires some delicate but serious lifting gear.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

A person with cockneyed (genu valgum) has a large gap between their thighs when they're standing with their knees together.

 

[PeteXXX]

Knees up Mother Brown was Her Majesty's favourite song to sing as she drove a tractor in WW2.
In fact, the crops grew higher, and faster' due to hearing her melodic voice!

 

[Drago]

Tractors were originally concieved as sports cars for the residents of Dorset.

 

[ClichéGuevara]

The tendency to truncate words like 'and' to 'n' in pronunciation, as in Kiss n tell, lead to common cutlery almost invariably being described as a 'knife and fork' as a request for a 'fork n knife' can be misinterpreted.

 

[Drago]

Knives were invented by Herman Goebbels in 1822, for the purposes of opening letters. Prior to that time people had used explosives.