Loch Ness is due to be renamed Loch Bess when the Queen passes away, and the loch will be pestered by a new mythical monster, the Ghost of Prince Andrew
Lock Ness is the water gateway that joins Loch Ness to the Caledonian Canal.
A Scot once showed the lock gates to an Englishman, who mistakenly thought that Lock Ness was the main body of water.
The mispronunciation continues to this day.
The Highland Council public tip is called Loch Mess. After Lord Lucan accidentally killed Nessie while water skiing he dumped the body in the glass recycling bin.
@Accy cyclist was arrested for stealing Tweed from the charity shop in town. In Court he pretended that he thought he was the Duke of Kent and that he had mistaken the charity shop for his walk in wardrobe. The Magistrate, a fellow Mason, let Accy off with some style tips.
The Duke of Kent was ranked 29,800th in the world at tennis in the early 90s. In a one off exhibition set at The All England Club in 1992, he still beat Tim Henman 6-1. However, the Duke later tested positive for nandrolone
Tim Henman is nom de plume for Adam, Prince of Eternia, AKA He-Man.
After his defeat at the hands of Skeletor he fled to earth, and Anglicised He-Man to Henman. He dropped the Adam and started using Tim, his Mothers name.
Fabulous powers were revealed to Adam (Prince of Eternia) the day he held aloft his magic sword and said "ee bah gum that's heavy that)
From that moment he became Derby Man.
Later the "darb" was dropped from his name, as was his accent, which was thought to be "too regional" ,despite all planets having a "north", not just Earth
The Planets were a heavy metal band formed by Henry Tudor. When originally conceived in 1595 they were called The Plantaganets, but the local peasants of the time had trouble with the name so it was shortened.
Their first number one was Ace of Plagues, with the renowned musician Thomas Cromwell on lute.
The follow up single, Who Will Rid me of These Troublesome Pustules, failed to chart.
Black Death were rivals to The Planets. Their lead singer Ozzie Osbourne was said to have bitten the head off a rat and caught the Black Death. Hence their name.
Australia was named after Ozzy Osbourne. Originally called Ozztralia, or Oz, the locals all seem to have a strange speech impediment and the name was quickly transformed by word of mouth to Australia.
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