Well that's a shame. I think you've maybe misconstrued me and perhaps there should always be a place for benefit of the doubt, indeed trying to engage if you want to further a relationship.
I felt I understood with what you were saying and indeed agreed with it, at the broad intentions level.
So maybe we're at cross purposes.
Yes, we can only tell what someone is like by engaging with them. I wouldn't suggest otherwise, one oughtn't apply labels from 100 paces. Well, one can but that's potentially to one's own detriment. My point is (and only ever was) that at some point on that road of engagement, you are totally allowed to say 'you know what, actually I don't want to go any further' Once you have decided a reason to not go further, you have effectively applied a label - 'I decided not to see X anymore because they were Y'
Maybe whoever originally posed the question of a relationship with someone of the 'American far right' (or whatever it was) WAS applying labels from 100 paces. I can't say but it's entirely possible. I chose not to interpret it like that as I wanted to acknowledge that individuals have the right to have boundaries on the kind of relationship they want to have with someone. For example, someone might not want to have anything to do with someone that they have found to be (i.e. 'labelled') a misogynist - and that's ok surely? Tbh, I thought I was in danger of stating the obvious.
And anyway, I thought the thread was about 'having a relationship with'
ie having a longer term intimate relationship with..
Such as being married to.
Not whether you wholly accept the fact, tolerate, and even embrace the fact that other humans have different ways of being , belief systems , and backgrounds, in everyday life, and get along with them ok
Of course we can, and should do the second, unless they're actually doing others harm.
(Fwiw far right Americans do do others harm in my view)
But that's not the same as being expected to somehow overlook fundamentals, or compromise on principals to maintain a long term relationship.
Fwiw I am
have seen people lose their own selves, and principals to try to mould themselves into what they believe their prospective partner thinks they
should be.
Or else what they have been 'instructed' to do so by an overbearing partner.
Those are controlling, or coercive relationships.
Self respect, autonomy ,and maintaining healthy boundaries are still important inside relationships, if long term mutual respect is to be maintained.
Tbh I think the cross cultural thing in terms of country, religion, social class , etc is far less important in any relationship, than personality , tolerance, and respect for others.
One of the previous posters asked how would we feel if one of our children got together with someone from a different 'culture'.
Would we make an effort.??
Well I think most of us as parents would, unless we're complete idiot's, we might embrace the difference even.
In my own case I'd be all agog for stories of growing up in a different places , and cultures, and yes please thanks very much to some new recipes..
But if that same person started spouting a bunch of bigotry, which overstepped
my boundaries then I would challenge it, as
not to do so would compromise my principals.
But ultimately it would be up to my kids..
It's
their life - not mine.
As it is I've been really lucky, so far, my kids partners have always been really bright, interesting, switched on people, who have been a delight to be around.
The hardest part is if that relationship ends.
Although I've maintained good friendships with some of them beyond the original one
