Living with someone from another culture

[Blue Hills]

Nothing to do with women being superior. I think women are prepared to invest emotionally in a person that they come to know. Men feel more comfortable with their mates, in their clubs etc. So you have things like the Freemason and current private clubs where peer acceptance is important.

It's not just in the West. Its in Asia as well. I see more women in Japan, Korea etc with foreign partners than their local men.

trawling back through this thread, your reference to Japanese women (and your general mantra of women apparently being more focussed on the person) reminded me of something from the depths of my mind/past.
I had a Japanese girlfriend for a short time in London.
After a few weeks i felt that I had to have "the talk".
In a pub near Victoria I told her that I thought it wasn't working - that she was too quiet for me (hell she must have been - I was damn quiet myself back in those days).
I'm a nice guy, was delicate and sensitive.
She started to cry - very quietly.
Which upset me.
Pause.
After a while she said:
"Do I have to pay you back the £10?" (i had lent her the money to buy something in an antique shop in Arundel on a day trip.
I told her that that was up to her.
Another pause, followed by a mysterious but noticable smile.


My other musings on Japanese women (exchanged with a later work colleague who had a Japanese girlfriend) I will spare cchat.

 

[PK99]

I'm from rural Lancashire, Mrs is from St John's Wood....

My mum started in the Mill aged 13.
Mrs's Mum went to Finishing School in Paris.

 

[All uphill]

I'm from rural Lancashire, Mrs is from St John's Wood....

My mum started in the Mill aged 13.
Mrs's Mum went to Finishing School in Paris.

I intentionally started this thread about different cultures, not countries, because, in my opinion, the gap between social groups within one country can be as bewildering as those between countries.

Sounds like you've experienced that!

 

[PK99]

I intentionally started this thread about different cultures, not countries, because, in my opinion, the gap between social groups within one country can be as bewildering as those between countries.

Sounds like you've experienced that!

Sounds like we agree on you cultural point!

 

[PK99]

I intentionally started this thread about different cultures, not countries, because, in my opinion, the gap between social groups within one country can be as bewildering as those between countries.

Sounds like you've experienced that!

I'll expand.

My mum was closed and unadventurous - going to Preston (5miles) or Chorley (4 miles) was an adventure. New and different scared her.

MiL, paid to travel to Kenya by landrover across the Sahara in mid 70's. Saw the Terrcota warriors in China a year after discovery. Flew to Senegal, aged 60 in 1976, and started cycling/hitching to Kenya, got ill half way and flew back. Emigrated to Nairobi aged 80. Along the way she was one of the very first Open University degree graduates.

At our wedding folk met my mum and thought she was "sweet". Folks met my MiL and raved years later about how marvellous she was.

 

[AuroraSaab]

This is an interesting discussion. I do think women are generally more open to relationships with men of other races and religions (as opposed to just 'other countries') than men are with women of other races and cultures.

There are lots of men on here talking about relationships with women from other countries but few talking about having relationships with black or non Christian women.

From my teaching experience I can say I have taught scores, probably hundreds, of kids with a white mum and a black, or occasionally Asian heritage, dad, but only a handful with a black mum and a white dad.

Perhaps women are less affected by society's pressure to find a partner from the same group than men are.

Also interesting that sometimes what binds us is social class, not race or country of origin.

 

[HobbesOnTour]

From my teaching experience I can say I have taught scores, probably hundreds, of kids with a white mum and a black, or occasionally Asian heritage, dad, but only a handful with a black mum and a white dad.

Is that an international experience and perspective or local to the UK?

Perhaps women are less affected by society's pressure to find a partner from the same group than men are.

Or to look at things from a different perspective, perhaps women from one ethnic background are more free to pursue relationships of their choice than women from a different one?

And skin colour is only one way of differentiating people. There's lots about someone that is not so easy to see.

 

[All uphill]

This is an interesting discussion. I do think women are generally more open to relationships with men of other races and religions (as opposed to just 'other countries') than men are with women of other races and cultures.

There are lots of men on here talking about relationships with women from other countries but few talking about having relationships with black or non Christian women.

From my teaching experience I can say I have taught scores, probably hundreds, of kids with a white mum and a black, or occasionally Asian heritage, dad, but only a handful with a black mum and a white dad.

Perhaps women are less affected by society's pressure to find a partner from the same group than men are.

Also interesting that sometimes what binds us is social class, not race or country of origin.

"Non-Christian women"

It's funny I didn't think about religion until you mentioned it. I always assumed I would share my life with a good atheist like myself. Anything else seems much more strange than being with someone from any other country.

Imagine being married to an American far-right Christian. I can't.

 

[PK99]

.

"Non-Christian women"

It's funny I didn't think about religion until you mentioned it. I always assumed I would share my life with a good atheist like myself. Anything else seems much more strange than being with someone from any other country.

Imagine being married to an American far-right Christian. I can't.

Growing up the issue: "Can a mixed marriage work?" was something that the adults around me discussed with some regularity - enough to register on my youthful psyche. Mixed? Catholic and Non-Catholic, of course. The only two religious categories that registered on their Catholic radar. The village was two unmixing communities!

 

[HobbesOnTour]

Imagine being married to an American far-right Christian. I can't.

Isn't that getting to the nub of the issue?

"American Far Right Christian" is a stereotype.
We don't have relationships with stereotypes, but with people.

Surely the person we take into our life is entitled to be free of labels?

So long as there is respect, first of all, a process to solve arguments and no external pressure then there is no reason that such a relationship shouldn't be as successful as any other one.

That process is probably more important than any division.

I would think that external pressure is actually the biggest factor in success or not and that it would be interesting to explore how much of that is actually self imposed?

In any case it's very complicated and I'd think that if there's one area where generalisations aren't helpful it's in the realms of human relationships.

I've met some pretty far right American Christians. Some of them are absolutely lovely people and some not so much. Pretty much like the Atheists I've met!

 

[Bazzer]

Growing up the issue: "Can a mixed marriage work?" was something that the adults around me discussed with some regularity - enough to register on my youthful psyche. Mixed? Catholic and Non-Catholic, of course. The only two religious categories that registered on their Catholic radar. The village was two unmixing communities!

Interesting that, because in my youth it was also an undercurrent with girls I got attached to, but I think my parents knew it was a fight not worth having, when it became clear that baring something very unexpected, Mrs B and I were permanent. Although it continued to bubble under the surface and when I married, it was in the Catholic church my parents attended. This was largely to please them, even though for the previous 10 years my total attendance at the church could be counted on both hands, with fingers to spare and neither I had nor Mrs B had any intention of her converting.

Although he became more tolerant later in his life, I often wondered how my Dad would have reacted when I was younger if I had come home with a non Catholic black woman.

 

[oldwheels]

I was brought up as a Free Presbyterian and my wife in an Isle of Lewis Free Church environment. This had the effect that we were able to meet and socialise within those groups without having any "foot in mouth" moments on either side. We came from similar backgrounds but anyone from outside could not possibly have worked out how to behave in that environment without intensive coaching. To the vast majority anywhere it would be a complete culture shock.

 

[Blue Hills]

.


Growing up the issue: "Can a mixed marriage work?" was something that the adults around me discussed with some regularity - enough to register on my youthful psyche. Mixed? Catholic and Non-Catholic, of course. The only two religious categories that registered on their Catholic radar. The village was two unmixing communities!

your background was catholic?

 

[PK99]

your background was catholic?

Yes, WAS.

 

[yello]

"American Far Right Christian" is a stereotype.
We don't have relationships with stereotypes, but with people.
Surely the person we take into our life is entitled to be free of labels?

Yes, yes and yes.

However, I think the broader point being made (think of it by way of example rather than stereotype) is a good one methinks.

Can you imagine being married to someone with fundamentally different core values?

Be it religion or otherwise, there are areas people have where there is no room for comprise. Sometimes people's views on something run so contrary to your own that no relationship could ever work.