Just got a steep warning.

[roadrash]

Several men I know have told me how in the days of weekly cash pay packets they would give the envelope to their partner and wait to be given some spending money from it.

that's exactly how my parents did things,... it worked for them.

 

[gavroche]

Maybe, but it's interesting that you never hear women making similarly banterish references about their male partners. Is that cos women don't do banter (err.....no) or is it some other reason? Maybe cos women don't look for a father replacement in their partners?

I would disagree with that as I know of many women who married men 5, 10 or more years older than them, ans not for wealth either, so there must be a reason if they choose somebody older rather than their own age. Three of them are close relatives too. But, anyway, does it really matter?

 

[BoldonLad]

I think some men (not all) and those of a certain age may not be comfortable trying to pay bills online. They may feel out of their depth using comparison sites, dealing with companies etc. This may contribute to them leaving the bill paying and general finance keeping to their spouses.

Very true. IMHO it often equates to their past “life experience” (this applies to men or women). For example, many (not all) men in the NE, historically, had manual jobs, which did not involve using telephone, computer, etc etc. For many of them, “modern life”, with its online websites, online banking, etc etc is a steep learning curve.

I can recount a little story. In the dark days, when I worked, one of my male colleagues was having a hard time, because, his wife was going through some form of “mid life crisis”, and frequently phoned him, at the office, with “problems”. Our then (female) secretary was not sympathetic. Her husband was a coal miner, working several miles under the North Sea. Her take on the situation was, if she had a problem, SHE had to deal with it, a) her husband was not on the phone. b) even if she could contact him, he could hardly just “pop out” of work, for 20 minutes.

 

[oldwheels]

My wife and myself worked as a kind of partnership for much of our married life. We had separate business accounts for tax reasons but for everything else we had a joint account. We never had arguments about money but trusted each other to behave sensibly and any large purchases were discussed beforehand. It worked for us but others have different ideas as to who pays for which part of household expenses.

 

[Venod]

Not really a fair argument as shoes are relatively cheaper compared to bikes

It wasn't meant to be a fair argument.

 

[SpokeyDokey]

I've never understood this bravado about "it's your money", "buy another with the same paint job" etc etc. Seems people have quite different relationships with their other halves than I do.

We have always had a joint account and everything is paid out of this and everything is paid into this. We always check with each other if we want to spend a "significant" amount. And a bike would be significant

Ditto - our home/cash/investments/income is ours 50:50 irrespective of source.

We don't quibble over each others spending but always discuss and agree larger spends first.

Each to their own of course but any other arrangement does seem odd.

One SIL & BIL have agreements as to who pays what bills and often end up in the (to us) strange scenario of owing each other money.

 

[ColinJ]

I got a factory job in Coventry in the late 1970s and was pretty shocked when I heard how some of the men talked and behaved.

We were earning very good money with the overtime we were all doing at that time. I was making about £160 a week as an unskilled labourer so skilled workers would have been on £250+. We were still paid weekly in cash and I once saw a machinist in the canteen steaming open his wage packet. I asked him what he was doing and he explained that he didn't tell his wife how much he was earning. He took the wage slip out and pocketed £40 for his 'beer money'. He then resealed the packet and said he would hand it 'unopened' to his wife who was responsible for the domestic finances. She would take out enough for household expenses, a small amount for herself, and then give him £30 back for his beer money. He thought it was really funny. I wasn't impressed...

 

[screenman]

I think some men (not all) and those of a certain age may not be comfortable trying to pay bills online. They may feel out of their depth using comparison sites, dealing with companies etc. This may contribute to them leaving the bill paying and general finance keeping to their spouses.

Complete opposite here, but I know of plenty who fit your description.

 

[Drzdave58]

I’ve got about $8000 invested in the 4 bikes I own at the moment ..Ive bought and sold at least a dozen over the last 15 years...my wife just accepts that I love trying different bikes and doesn’t give any hassle over it...it’s cheaper than buying motorcycles I figure...I had this guy wanting to buy a vintage cruiser I had for sale...he was about to buy it but backed out at the last minute...he told me his wife flipped when he told her about it so he couldn’t buy it now...I thought that was funny that he would even admit that to me..and this guy was in his 70’s

 

[BoldonLad]

I got a factory job in Coventry in the late 1970s and was pretty shocked when I heard how some of the men talked and behaved.

We were earning very good money with the overtime we were all doing at that time. I was making about £160 a week as an unskilled labourer so skilled workers would have been on £250+. We were still paid weekly in cash and I once saw a machinist in the canteen steaming open his wage packet. I asked him what he was doing and he explained that he didn't tell his wife how much he was earning. He took the wage slip out and pocketed £40 for his 'beer money'. He then resealed the packet and said he would hand it 'unopened' to his wife who was responsible for the domestic finances. She would take out enough for household expenses, a small amount for herself, and then give him £30 back for his beer money. He thought it was really funny. I wasn't impressed...

Indeed.

A common dodge (when I was a 17 year old youth, 1964) was to have (say) £20 savings deducted from pay, unknown to wife of course. This was paid into a TSB Savings account, which the husband had access too. Payslip at that time was issued day before "pay day" so worker could check it was correct, no payslip was included in pay packet. Genuinely unopened paypacket then handed over to wife, who dispensed some pocket money to husband, oblivious to the TSB cache.

Several years later, when I was doing a much better paid job (IT Consultant), and, along with my colleagues, often working out of the office, sometimes overseas, for months on end, Salary was paid direct into bank, but, payslip was posted to an address of your choice. Several of my colleagues had "secret" adresses, to avoid the risk of their partner getting sight of their payslip.

No end to human ingenuity, when it comes to cheating

 

[alicat]

Several men I know have told me how in the days of weekly cash pay packets they would give the envelope to their partner and wait to be given some spending money from it.

that's exactly how my parents did things,... it worked for them.

And mine. The bank account was in the sole name of my mother.

 

[roadrash]

my mother turned 79 on 18th December, she has never had and still doesn't have a bank account.

 

[SpokeyDokey]

Because one or other partner considers themselves to be the Boss, and should have control over where money gets spent?
I take the view that once the household bills are jointly covered, what each partner spends their own earned money on is entirely their own business and they should not have to justify themselves to anyone else, let alone seek permission to make purchases.
There's no way I would entertain the idea of joint money, beyond paying domestic overheads - irrespective of who earns the most.
A workmate of mine has a wife who comes from a moneyed background and owns a large, very valuable property. He could pack in work and live off her if he wanted but he doesn't. He still owns a small property he already had before they met, still works, and he pays his own way day to day. He spends his money how he wants, and his other half does the same. Neither interferes with each others decisions and they have a harmonious, argument-free relationship.

As long as there is no resentment by either partner about their financial relationship then whatever works for them is a great solution.

I guess a lot will depend on how you view the relationship that you are in - maybe it's a see how you go set-up (especially when you are younger or are on a second time around marriage etc) but to me when I got married to Lovely Wife (both our second marriage) we both committed ourselves to spending the rest of our lives together. As a by-product of that the share everything equally ethos comes naturally. 20 years back I had a nice six figure salary plus all manner of perks and my income far outstripped hers but never for one moment did I think that what I brought into the household was anything other than ours. Ditto, I brought a chunk of money into our relationship from my first marriage (she brought nothing but her very lovely self) and I never viewed this money as mine either, it was always ours.

Tbh I think that sometimes money matters within relationships can bring out the selfish side in some people.

 

[Pale Rider]

For example, many (not all) men in the NE, historically, had manual jobs, which did not involve using telephone, computer, etc etc.

That is a big part of it.

Many miners and shipyard workers had the good sense to realise they were not cut out to deal with figures, bills, contracts and so on.

A friend of mine, who has a skilled office job but still lets his wife deal with finances, told me an amusing story.

His wife asked him to go to the corner shop to buy cigarettes and a loaf of bread, paying with a winning lottery ticket.

He got to the shop and was surprised to discover the win was about £90, rather than the £10 he was expecting.

As he told me, he had an agonising walk home, wondering whether he could get away with giving his wife the change from £10, thereby clicking about £80 beer money.

Honesty won the day, and suffice to say, his wife did think the ticket was a £10 win.

My mate described himself as gutted.

 

[Levo-Lon]

The other common problem with men having the money is they can happily blow it on Fridays gambling drinking buying bikes ect..
Women tend to have sense and like having a house to live in and feeding the family.

So there is that. Works the other way too but it's usually selfish men