Going through the motions...

[Crackle]

What's not to trust. Here's my first go, in an Aussie beach surfing stylee. Might need some work.

Yo dude <insert brother name> that's cool. Hope it's a boy to carry on the family name and the good looks eh, well mine anyway, you were always an ugly feck. Talking of which, how's <insert wifes name> doing? Getting through the morning sickness yet. Bet mornings are still a bit of a shock to her system eh. It'll be you dealing with the poo and vomit. Make sure you stock up on vitamin C and Zinc, 'cause once it gets past 3 months you'll catch every bug on the planet. Can't wait to see the pictures of the little bug eyed freak. God I hope it doesn't look like her.

Your bro Chuffy (still riding the Exe surf man)

 

[Chuffy]

Dear Bro and Mrs Bro. Congratulations. Yours, in rubber pants, Chuffster.


That's about all you'll get in a text.

Just think, the birth of another Aussie to take the p*** out of :?:

Text? I have neither his number, nor a mobile...

 

[Chuffy]

What's not to trust. Here's my first go, in an Aussie beach surfing stylee. Might need some work.

Yo dude <insert brother name> that's cool. Hope it's a boy to carry on the family name and the good looks eh, well mine anyway, you were always an ugly feck. Talking of which, how's <insert wifes name> doing? Getting through the morning sickness yet. Bet mornings are still a bit of a shock to her system eh. It'll be you dealing with the poo and vomit. Make sure you stock up on vitamin C and Zinc, 'cause once it gets past 3 months you'll catch every bug on the planet. Can't wait to see the pictures of the little bug eyed freak. God I hope it doesn't look like her.

Your bro Chuffy (still riding the Exe surf man)

No, I'm feeling nauseous just trying to read that!
No idea what his bird's name is (the last one was known in this household as 'the future ex' and I haven't bothered to make a note of this one).
Besides, Chuffy don't surf.

 

[Noodley]

Text? :?: I have neither his number, nor a mobile...

That was my point...get his number then you can keep it brief! Use someone else's mobile if you need to.

 

[Maz]

He's in Australia....

Fair enough.
Why not at least speak to him and his girlfriend - someone must have the number? Be happy for them even if it aint your cuppa tea.

 

[Chuffy]

That was my point...get his number then you can keep it brief! Use someone else's mobile if you need to.

I've never sent a text in my life and I'm not starting now. Baggy would mock my ineptitude.

 

[wafflycat]

All you;ve got to say is 'Congratulations on your news'

There, now that wasn't too difficult, was it. You don't have to be over the moon personally, you aren't being forced to breed... or be at the birth, or babysit, or visit... just offer them congratulations.

 

[Chuffy]

Fair enough.
Why not at least speak to him and his girlfriend - someone must have the number? Be happy for them even if it aint your cuppa tea.

Because I'm not interested and I really, really hate having to fake stuff like that.

 

[Chuffy]

All you;ve got to say is 'Congratulations on your news'

There, now that wasn't too difficult, was it. You don't have to be over the moon personally, you aren't being forced to breed... or be at the birth, or babysit, or visit... just offer them congratulations.

That might just about do...

 

[Noodley]

Seriously, I wouldn't bother. Not as if either of you will lose any sleep over it by the sounds of it.

 

[wafflycat]

Seriously, I wouldn't bother. Not as if either of you will lose any sleep over it by the sounds of it.

There is that approach, which has merit in certain circumstances

 

[NickM]

I've never sent a text in my life and I'm not starting now.

Good for you! Me neither.

As for your imagined problem, if you don't do relatives (me neither), you don't have to do your mother's bidding, do you? She's a relative, isn't she?

I don't think it would occur to any relative of mine to demand that I do anything, (a) because I'm a grownup, and ( because they know what kind of response they would be likely to get.

 

[Chuffy]

Good for you! Me neither.

As for your imagined problem, if you don't do relatives (me neither), you don't have to do your mother's bidding, do you? She's a relative, isn't she?

I am quite fond of my parents (at arms length, of course) and it's a source of constant pain to my dear mother that I won't play nicely. Doing nothing buys me a lifetime of being nagged bandy. Playing along just a little bit keeps her off my back. Ho hum...

 

[Crackle]

Write it like a missive from your Mum. Ask her what she wants to say and write it like that. "Mum says ........ etc. That'll keep it all honest.

 

[GentleBenn]

Dear Brother & Mother,
I cant believe you've done this to me! What have I ever done to you, to deserve being an Uncle ? Dont i have enough on my plate, what with the rest of our family, without you adding to it ?
I thought we dealt with this by you agreeing to live in Australia !
Is it really yours ? I'd get that checked out if i were you !
For God sake if it's a boy, please dont name it after me !

Your loving brother ,
Chuffy
:?::?: