Going through the motions...

[Chuffy]

Just had news from my mother that my brother and his girlfriend are expecting.

Now. I don't like babies. I don't do family (my interest begins and ends at knowing that they are alive and well). I have no enthusiasm for his apparent success in spawning offspring. I can just about raise some enthusiasm for friends who are popping offspring, because they're my friends and I like my friends to be happy. Hello Fuzzymum!

Despite all this I am expected to send him a congratulatory e-mail. The best wording I can manage is 'You and whateverhernameis are expecting a baby. Love, your brother'. I just can't force myself to put on an inane grin and type 'OH WOW!!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO PLEASED FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!' and all that crap.

What the f*ck am I going to say?

 

[graham56]

'OH WOW!!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO PLEASED FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!' and all that crap.

There you go Chuffers.

 

[Moose]

'Congratulations from the miserable one'

 

[Chuffy]

'OH WOW!!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO PLEASED FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!' and all that crap.

There you go Chuffers.

Thanks! That was really no f'kin use at all very helpful!!!!!!!! :?:

 

[Sh4rkyBloke]

Oh my god - can't you just be happy for him?

A simple 'Congratulations to you and yours' is all that's required.. I'm sure he must know what a terribly sympathetic chap you are, and of your deep rooted love of children... I'm sure he hasn't done it on purpose to annoy you.

 

[Maz]

Email? Why not a card? Why not visit him (if he's not too far away)?

 

[Chuffy]

Oh my god - can't you just be happy for him?

Is this a trick question? :?:

A simple 'Congratulations to you and yours' is all that's required.. I'm sure he must know what a terribly sympathetic chap you are, and of your deep rooted love of children... I'm sure he hasn't done it on purpose to annoy you.

I'm sure he hasn't done it on purpose full stop.....

Look, I've got nothing against him, perfectly nice chap and all that, but if I never saw him or my sister again it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I don't do family...

 

[fossyant]

Email? Why not a card? Why not visit him (if he's not too far away)?

Beat me to it - I'd phone and say great news - email ? FFS....

So you don't want kids, but it's great news for them....?

That is unless you really don't like your rellies cos they are incredibly horrible ?

 

[Chuffy]

Email? Why not a card? Why not visit him (if he's not too far away)?

He's in Australia....

 

[yenrod]

CHUFFY: I'm a miserable git but when I see your baby for the 1st time i'll melt...

 

[Crackle]

Do you want us to write it?

 

[Chuffy]

CHUFFY: I'm a miserable git but when I see your baby for the 1st time i'll melt...

Er, no. Bring it to me when it's old enough to have a coherent conversation.

 

[Chuffy]

Do you want us to write it?

Why don't I fully trust you?
Somehow I don't think Mother will let me delegate...

 

[BigonaBianchi]

Dear Bro and Mrs(ish) bro,
Do i need to send blue or pink babysuit.
Cheers
Your brother who doesnt do family and couldnt really give a shoot but will do so on this occassion to keep the family happy.

 

[Noodley]

Dear Bro and Mrs Bro. Congratulations. Yours, in rubber pants, Chuffster.


That's about all you'll get in a text.

Just think, the birth of another Aussie to take the p*** out of