Give me some dialogue from your day

[MossCommuter]

Colleague 1 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 2 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 3 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 4 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 5 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 6 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 7 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 8 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 9 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 10 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes

 

[Scoosh]

Were they all sitting together ?

 

[MossCommuter]

Colleague 11 : "Hi, it's me, I won't make it in today - very snowy in Salford"
Colleague 12 : "Yeah, Mossy said it was bad when he cycled through"

 

[Ganymede]

Dear Old Deaf Demented Dad strikes again:

We are chatting about the different dogs we've had in the family.

Me: Actually I saw a fox this morning
DODDD: oh yes, a fox? (has plainly understood that I mean Vulpes vulpes)
Me: yes I wondered if she had cubs as I heard them in the night
DODDD: might be a bit early in the year
Me: made me think of [sister's] dog, which looks like a fox
DODDD: She looks like SOCKS????!!!

 

[ColinJ]

Colleague 1 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 2 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 3 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 4 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 5 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 6 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 7 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 8 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 9 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes
Colleague 10 : have you cycled in today?
Me : Yes

Colleague 11 : will you be cycling in again tomorrow?
Me : You must be ferkin joking!

 

[brand]

Neighbour "do you want some shopping I am going to Skeg".
Me "Yes please which supermarket are you going to"
Neighbour "Aldi, right me a list"
I write list and hand it to her and she promptly goes through if with me.
Neighbour "what's this? underparts German paratrooper's"
Me "Their German (Aldi), they stock them, don't look for them in the cages just ask a member of staff. Get me a pack of 3"
Her "are you sure"
Me "positive"
Her "Are they boxer's or Y fronts?"
Me "a bit like boxer's"
Calls round with shopping at 7pm.
Me "did you get me the German paratroopers underpants"
Her "no they don't stock them"
Me "did you ask a member of staff"
Her "yes no stock"

Now I am not sure who is taking the pi** out of who?

Just seen neighbour.
Me "how come they didn't have German Paratrooper's underpants in"
Neighbour " I don't know but they were really ignorant and looked at me like I was an idiot, no help at all"
Me "so you didn't know I was taking the p*ss"
Neighbour you *w**, you can f*** off and do your own shopping in future.
Uhmm maybe I shouldn't have done that!

 

[Speicher]

Effel dee arjay sea kay empea bee zeddee.



No, I cannot read the next line.

 

[Spinney]

Effel dee arjay sea kay empea bee zeddee.



No, I cannot read the next line.

Opticians? Took me a moment to work that out!

 

[Speicher]

Opticians? Took me a moment to work that out!

Yes, it was at the optician's.

 

[Lullabelle]

Yes, it was at the optician's.

Last time I was at the opticians I nearly fainted when they told me how much it costs for an eye test, then I remembered I get my money back from the company I work for, being staff I get my tests paid for

 

[Saluki]

Hubster: I am back
Me: Shut the door
Hubster: I have chocolate pudding
Me:

 

[Speicher]

Me: If it is seven foot tall, it will be at the same level as the teddy bear's ears.

A. N. Other:

Me:

 

[vernon]

Scene. Sitting with a group of three year eleven pupils assigned to me for intensive science remedial and revision work. A year head approaches the desk with Reece, (not his real name) in tow.

Year head: "I've brought Reece along to join your small group"

Me: "That's a surprise because I informed the deputy head that I wasn't prepared to have him"

Year head: "When was that?"

Me: "Last Friday when we finalised the group lists."

Year head: "Why won't you have him?'

Me: "Because he's a disruptive pupil who has failed to attend the last four sessions that I've negotiated with him and he wrecked several lessons with his science teacher last week. I'm not prepared to compromise the education of this small hard working group.

Reece: "You're dissing me!"

Me: "No Reece. I'm telling it like it is."

Reece: "F@@@ you then!" exits stage left

Year head: "I'll sort something else for him then." exits stage left in pursuit of Reece

Me to tudents: "Right chaps, back to work!"

 

[gbb]

Manager to me..as ive just finished repairing a machine.
'Can you watch over *****, she's not worked on this machine much'
'I've got three jobs on already'
Manager turns to ****,
'Set that machine up while Colin's here'

I promptly pick up my toolbag and walk off....might as well talk to myself, but in the meantime, ive got other jobs waiting. Im not here to support other departments because theyre not training their staff. Sorry.

 

[fimm]

Colleague: Can you just do this test for me?
Me: yes, sure.
Colleague talks me through what he wants done, and I do it.
Me: there, done. It does what you expect.
Colleague: Good. What about X?
Me: Yes, it seems to have done that, but I'm not sure...
(I start querying database tables and muttering...)
Colleague: Well, it looks as though it has done X, and that's what it says in the spec...
Me: yes, but you can't just say that it magically does X, I need to see how it does it - ah, look, there, in this table, that's how it works!
More senior colleague, who has been listening: Is the next version of the spec going to say "magically does X....?"