Give me some dialogue from your day

[Sandra6]

Lady in car, winds window down " did you just call me f***ing stupid?"
Me (technically I just mouthed the words in the direction of her wing mirror) " overtaking on the brow of a hill when you can't see round the corner is f***ing stupid, so yes"
Lady winds window back up and drives off.

 

[ColinJ]

Er ... Hello. Hello. Hello, Hello!!!!!

Oi, mister taxi driver pulling out without signalling - if you'd care to actually look out of your side window you will see that there is a cyclist alongside overtaking you!

 

[Lullabelle]

This morning

The materials manager: erm can you book me a van please
Me: when for
MM: erm this afternoon
Me: I'll try but it is very short notice
MM: thanks, if you can
Me: see what I can do

 

[gbb]

The phone rings...
'Hello ?'
'Good evening Mr ******** (at this early point, my eyes have already started to glaze over).....i'm here to help you set up your free calls'
'Right ....and who are you representing ?' (i havnt made any request or enquiry)
'It's BT Smart Talk, (i think thats what she said)...about your free calls'

Not one word more passes my lips, the phone is placed back on its reciever

 

[gbb]

I wander up to the office and pass the purchase ledger girls...
'Ooh, Colin, I want you ! ' one says as she quickly shuffles through some invoices. She's obviously got a query.
'Colin...she want's you' says the girl at the next desk..raising a saucy eyebrow.
'She wants me '......'waddaya want me for ?'
'Stop it now ' ...and waves an invoice at me.

Mucky mares

 

[jhawk]

*Friend and I on FB, she broken up with her boyfriend a while ago,

Me: "So, what's it like being one of all the single ladies?"

Her: "Now put your hands up!"

Me:" *Lowers hand..."

Her: "B*tch!"

Me: "But I'm not a single lady. It doesn't say, "All the single ladies, and Jack, now does it?"

Her:

 

[brand]

May have had a few to many yesterday. The palms of both my hands are badly bruised and my tracky bottoms are ripped at the knee so is my knee.

House phone just rung
Caller "Is this your phone"
Me "what"
Caller "the phone I am ringing you on is it yours?, my husband found it near Brinkhill"
Me "probably I wasn't aware I had lost it thanks where do you live"
Turns out she only lives about half a mile away. Her husband ran it over but went back to check what it was.
MORAL of the story? Always put your house phone number in your mobile phone, under the heading ME. And stock up on mobile phone cases, this ones knackered.

 

[gbb]

A few days ago, we were at my sons, spending a little time with the grandaughters. I wanted my camera which was at home, just a few hundred yards away. When i got back, i was playing with it (Nikon D40 dslr), the autofocus wasnt working. I knew, i'd done a little research on the net and was resetting the camera which normally solves the problem. My son has/had the same camera. He walked in...
'What are you doing ?...have you got a problem with that camera ?'
'Yep, apparently you just press reset in the menu and it turns the autofocus back on'
...'Youre joking, mine did that......i went out and brought a new camera

His wife poked her head round the door... 'what was that ?'
i said..'Youre in trouble now'

He got his out, pressed reset...problem solved.
'Ah well, i got two cameras now '

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

A few days ago, we were at my sons, spending a little time with the grandaughters. I wanted my camera which was at home, just a few hundred yards away. When i got back, i was playing with it (Nikon D40 dslr), the autofocus wasnt working. I knew, i'd done a little research on the net and was resetting the camera which normally solves the problem. My son has/had the same camera. He walked in...
'What are you doing ?...have you got a problem with that camera ?'
'Yep, apparently you just press reset in the menu and it turns the autofocus back on'
...'Youre joking, mine did that......i went out and brought a new camera

His wife poked her head round the door... 'what was that ?'
i said..'Youre in trouble now'

He got his out, pressed reset...problem solved.
'Ah well, i got two cameras now '

If he find his car doesn't start first time... I'm could do with...

 

[Rezillo]

A few days ago, we were at my sons, spending a little time with the grandaughters. I wanted my camera which was at home, just a few hundred yards away. When i got back, i was playing with it (Nikon D40 dslr), the autofocus wasnt working. I knew, i'd done a little research on the net and was resetting the camera which normally solves the problem.

I had a Honda CRV with an aircon fault for which the standard repair was a £500 new control unit plus labour but in most cases, including mine as it turned out, could be fixed by a self-diagnostic procedure kicked off by an easy ignition key/button sequence taking all of one minute to do. That flummoxed my local dealer (I told the service manager there after I had fixed it myself) who either didn't know or was hoping customers weren't researching their cars.

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

I had a Honda CRV with an aircon fault for which the standard repair was a £500 new control unit plus labour but in most cases, including mine as it turned out, could be fixed by a self-diagnostic procedure kicked off by an easy ignition key/button sequence taking all of one minute to do. That flummoxed my local dealer (I told the service manager there after I had fixed it myself) who either didn't know or was hoping customers weren't researching their cars.

We used top have a similar issue with our 17 year Audi. Sometimes the airbag light would come on on the dashboard. We just needed to disconnect and reconnect the drivers seat connector underneath then taken it to our Audi specialist who in 30 seconds would reset something using the diagnostics, problem solved. Only one time it happened on the first day of our holiday so we thought we would 'slip' into an such garage, after all our mechanic was the overflow for our local audio main dealer, and get them to switch it off... An hour later they had not succeeded, so we left and spent the entire holiday with an annoying but not illegal red warning light on on the dashboard! 30 second back at our specialist and it was off and boy did he have a good laugh! No charge as usual!

 

[Lullabelle]

Today has been a bit of a silly one:

My boss: do you know any shops around here that sell brains?
Me: if I did I would be in there myself

 

[gbb]

'you silly bloody mare, you frightened the (expletive deleted) life out of me '

Came home from work today, wife tells me she's off to the doctors on Wednesday...'look at this on my face ?'
It looks like bruising ...
'I noticed it the other day, now its on the other side as well '
'Best thing then, get it checked out'
I KNOW she'll be concerned but won't say anything, she's like that.

So i've fired up the PC, logged into Facebook and I immediately see in the notifications she's joined a group.....Hodgkins Lymphoma
It fairly spooked me, ridiculous really but why has she joined that group ?
A few seconds later she shouts from the bathroom...
'Hey, I know what that is on my face'
'What's that ?'
'You know I dyed my hair the other night ?...it's bloomin hair dye I think, its coming off if I really scrub at it'

'You silly bloody mare etc etc etc'

 

[Big Nick]

Work colleague - 'have you ever watched women's football'?

Me - 'no, what's it like'

Work colleague - 'in a nutshell, a bit shite to be honest'

 

[numbnuts]

I've not spoken to anybody today